Preparing to Have a Child with a Birth Defect – Dealing with the Human Survival Instinct
Preparing to Have a Child with a Birth Defect Dealing with the Human Survival Instinct
"The Sky is Falling!"
"The End of The World is Coming!"
No doubt you've heard these expressions (and more like them) many times in your life from people who may seem to be acting a "little irrationally." But, that irrational fear is probably one of the things that has enabled the human race to be so successful. Our ability to perceive and act upon potential threats to our well-being is critical to our survival. It can also help with our level of contentment when we take action to prepare ourselves against potentially lean or difficult times.
Too much irrationality can also be a curse which can lead us to depression and uneeded stress if it is left unchecked.
As many times as I have dealt with this "Prepare For The Worst" mentality, however; I never felt it so powerfully as when I was told that my unborn child was going to have a defect. I had never heard of hydrocephalus, spina bifida, or nueral tube defects, and I had no idea what to prepare for. And what I felt (as the father) was nothing compared to how my wife felt as she carried our baby within her, struggling for an explanation as to how and why this was happening.
Our worst fears for our unborn child plagued us as we imagined what was in store for him in his birth, childhood and life. How disabled or deformed will he be? How much suffering will he have to endure? Will he walk? Will he be on crutches or in a wheel chair? Will he have to endure many operations? Will he live to one year? Will he die young? Will he become independent? Will he get married? Will he have children, a family of his own?
So, what do you do to keep yourself from getting to the point that you want to put yourself out of your own misery?
What can you do?
There's the easy' answer of saying, "Look On The Bright Side." There are many things that can be said about your own health and fortunes. This can provide some relief, but In the case of having a child with such set-backs, it's not your own misfortunes that you worry about, it's those that your child will have.
Prepare for the WORST and Hope for the BEST!
To keep it simple, this little saying will do wonders! You don't want to get caught by surprise.
But it is the HOPE that is the most important! Without hope to temper the fears brought on by the ongoing barrage of bad news, you may find yourself not wanting to get out of bed to face the day.
Learn what you can about the potential problems and challenges that your child might face. Brace yourself for the worst possible scenario.
Now consider what the chances are that your child is going to be in the "worst case" situation. If the diagnosis is uncertain then chances are likely that things will be better than the "worst case."
The TRUE worst case for any child is to have parents that care more about their own suffering and image than they do about their child. Without the unconditional LOVE that a parent can provide ANY child will suffer. You are your child's best Hope for a happy life.
Your Most Important role as a parent is to LOVE your child and your spouse without blame or question.
That's where your HOPE will come from. Resolve to be there for your child no matter what the conditions may be. And as a result, your child is likely to be the source of love like you have never experienced before!
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