Today's Blended Family: Guidelines For Helping Your Children Through A Tough Time
When the parents of children finalize a divorce
, it can often be a less than friendly situation for mom and dad, and this is before a stepfamily even comes into the picture. They often carry much anger and resentment. Sadly, these thoughts and feelings can come out in things that are said to the children. Sometimes kids think that parents don't care for them anymore, or that their parent loves the new step parent more than they love their kids.These thoughts do nothing but confuse children even further. Divorce and remarriage are hard enough to deal with; they don't need to be thrust in the middle of their parent's petty bickering and pent-up anger. Here are a few guidelines for helping your children to deal with everything that comes along with divorce, remarriage and a blended family.
Avoid battles
Assume a higher ground and do not speak in a negative light about the children's other parent, especially when they are around. That doesn't mean you have to agree with the behavior of the other parent, but the kids don't need to hear about it.
Train your children
Children living in a blended family don't have a user's manual that they can refer to for help. You need to explain to them that even though their parents have gotten a divorce, there is no competition. Let them know it's OK to love a step mom or step dad, and that it will in no way hurt your feelings.
It is a good idea to tell them that you understand how difficult it is on them. They do only get one real mom and dad, and you will work through any difficulties they may have. Just because remarriage has occurred, that doesn't necessarily mean everything is turning negative. Tell the kids to think of it as receiving bonus parents, and that these bonus parents will love and care for them just as much as they would if they were their biological children.
The more you make it seem like this is all a regular thing to talk about, then the more apt your children will be to come to you with questions or concerns. Create an open line of communication.
Give them reassurance
Kids need to know that a stepfamily is a normal thing nowadays, and that even though you may remarry, your love for them will always be the same. There is more than enough love to go around, for both the children and adults.
In closing, stay positive and do what is best for the well-being of your children. Even if your ex and the new step parent are making bad decisions, it isn't your place to point it out. Just do your best to be the normal and stable parent in the lives of your children. By doing this, you will be assured that the blended family in your home is happy and well adjusted.
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