Parents: What You Must Know To Prevent Your Teenager From Going Out-of-control !
As a therapist, I have discovered that many parents are fearful that their teenagers
will never grow up, get an education and secure meaningful employment. After all, kids talk about independence and freedom, but rarely about the associated obligations of assuming responsibility or accepting the consequences for their often very ill-considered actions.So how do you raise your kid in a physical and media environment that is saturated with the themes of sex, violence, hedonism, substance abuse and the reckless abdication of responsibility? The following are some guidelines gleaned from articles and books on adolescent psychology that can help:
1. Listen non-judgmentally and openly to your kids. Set aside at least one meal, outing or activity each week for you and your kids to spend together and discuss things.
Demonstrate interest in their feelings and opinions. It does not matter if you go shopping, out to lunch, to a movie or to a ballgame.
The crucial thing is that you spend some quality and rewarding time together.
2. Attend the school functions in which your kid participates. This is one way to convey love and attach value to those things that are important to your teen.
3. Parent-teacher conferences can be very revealing about how your teen is doing both academically and socially. Be there!
4. New experiences can improve your teen's socialization skills and enhance his self-confidence. Encourage your teen not to be fearful of trying new experiences; they can enhance self-esteem.
An extra-curricular activity at school, a scout group or an after-school job would fit the bill.
5. Monitor, not obsessively, but as best you can, what your kid is doing and who he is spending his time with; and set a reasonable curfew.
6. Your teen needs enough sleep. After all, his body is changing and he can be very busy socially, with his studies and with extra-curricular activities at school.
So let him or her sleep a little longer on Saturdays and holidays to re-charge his batteries.
7. Rules and boundaries are crucial for both adults and teens. Make sure the ones you make for your teen are reasonable and clear-cut. Communicate clearly to prevent the possibility of any future misunderstanding.
Have your teen participate in the creation of a contract specifying the agreed-upon boundaries and limits. That will enhance the odds that he or she will know the specific expectations.
The consequences you set should be reasonable, measured and not unnecessarily severe. In that kind of environment, your teen is more likely to learn from his disciplinary experience, rather than being embittered by it.
8. As every parent knows, teens are learning how to become adults and have a strong need for privacy. Do not go on fishing expeditions in your teens room unless you have a compelling reason.
However, if you suspect that he is hiding potentially destructive or dangerous material, such as drugs, weapons, porn, stolen goods or alcohol, confront him with the evidence.
9. Social networking sites can be a problem; your teen must be mandated to use them responsibly. Be certain that your expectations and limits regarding their use is clear.
Your teen must be made aware that what he puts on an internet networking site will, for all practical purposes, stay there forever. After all, in the near future he will be seeking employment or applying to college.
He must be made to understand that interviewers may check the Internet to evaluate his reliability, intelligence and character.
If he earlier posted something distasteful or insulting, the consequences he may have to undergo regarding a job or college application could be serious.
10. Respond seriously and respectfully to any break-ups your teen may have to endure. Kids can have a very difficult time coping with the feelings of rejection a break-up often triggers.
Listen with empathy, understanding and lack of criticism. If the feelings of depression and rejection last more than a few weeks, consider making an appointment for your teen to talk with a counseling professional.
What other help is available to help you relate better to your teen? In addition to reading articles and books, self-therapy kits (STKs) can also help. What are they?
They are self-help programs that tutor you on how to deal with your teens difficult behavior. The goal is to teach you how to maintain a close relationship with him, yet re-shape his conduct so that it is productive.
Importantly, as opposed to books and articles, they teach these teenage parenting skills using a multimedia format: CDs, DVDs, MP3s, e-books, workbooks, audios, videos etc. They provide tutoring on how to discipline your out-of-control teen and explain behavioral strategies to re-shape his behavior.
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