Advice For Children Of Addicts
As a child of an addict, you have several issues with which you will likely need to contend
. Addiction has a tendency to run in families, leaving you with an increased susceptibility to addictive behaviors yourself. You will invariably have relationship issues with which you need to be concerned as well.The strain that addiction puts on the parent/child relationship is only one layer of the resounding relational issues that arise as a result of addiction in a family. You will likely have trouble with other relationships in your life. You may have problems bonding with friends or other relatives. You will likely have trouble with other close personal relationships including romantic involvements. You may even have problems in your relationship with your own spouse and children as a result of your difficulties with your addicted parent.
With all of these problems that can creep into your life as a result of a parent's addiction to drugs or alcohol, it can be very difficult for you to believe that maintaining the relationship with your addicted parent is worth it. You may be tempted to break your ties with your mother or father entirely, and simply try to repair your own emotional and psychological damages. While this thought process is understandable, it is not the healthiest or most practical approach to take.
The truth is that even if you break your ties with your addicted parent, your feelings for them will remain. The bond between parent and child is strong and one that withstands many trials. This bond will be present even in the most dysfunctional relationships and your failure to work on the relationship will only result in more difficulties for you in the long run.
You love your parents and want to see them healthy. You long for the day when they will be able to live without alcohol or drugs. You wish for them to find joy in life and peace in their spirit. Alcohol and drug addiction destroy inner peace and take all the joy from normal daily pursuits. The addiction is not the person, and your parent is a human being with faults and troubles that must be overcome.
Supporting your loved one through the recovery process is important for their success and also for your health and well-being. Being there for them during their most difficult days gives the addict the necessary support system and provides you with the ability to heal with them. Their addiction has had a significant impact on your life as well as their own. Participating in therapy programs with your loved one gives you insight into their addiction. It allows you to know how difficult their struggle truly is, and also lets you learn to forgive them for their shortcomings.
Part of the addict's recovery process is learning to take responsibility for their own actions and the impact that those actions have on others around them. You must be willing to be honest and open about the difficulties that your parent's addiction has created in your life. Sharing your feelings and honestly letting your mother or father know how their addiction has influenced you are essential parts of the healing process for you and for them.
You may participate in family counseling sessions with your loved one. During these sessions, you will also learn about yourself and the negative ways in which your own behaviors make your life more difficult. While the addiction may be at the root of most of your family's problems, your own manner of dealing with conflict or stress may also be contributing to your personal problems and to the problems of your family unit. Healing your wounds alongside your family will help bring you all closer together and make you all better prepared to face life after addiction.
Addiction of one person in the family affects all members of the family in unique ways. Your healing is just as important as your loved one overcoming their physical and psychological addiction to drugs or alcohol. Failing to address all the negative dynamics in the family can result in relapse of the addict and also cause ongoing emotional or psychological issues for other family members.
The bond you have with your mother or father is strong and one you should fight to maintain. Don't let that relationship slip away or become buried in years of pent-up emotions or bitterness. Learn to love yourself and your parent in a new and healthier way. Become part of the healing process for your family and participate in the recovery program with your parent. You will be glad you did, not just for the sake of your addicted parent but for your own sake as well.
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