When Parents Argue in Front of the Kids
When Parents Argue in Front of the Kids
In every family, parents argue. It is only natural to disagree with one another on issues big and small. Most families do their best to hide these indiscretions from their children when they are young. Then the children grow up and they develop that sixth sense that tells them something in their life is off kilter. Often, parental disagreements and arguing whether kept a secret or not, can cause emotional stress for children of all ages. At the same time, it isn't fair to leave your kids with the impression that always playing nice and constantly getting along is par for the course of life.
When parents have an argument, it is often about things that the children don't really understand. What they do understand is that mom and dad are mad at one another. And since they know how it feels to be mad they worry that their family is in trouble. Even if the argument was about something ridiculously stupid, or simply because mom or dad was in an agitated mood, the children are affected. If arguments in your home often escalate to yelling, name-calling and passive aggressive behavior, it is the witnessing children that will be most disturbed. By the time you and your spouse have worked out the problems behind closed doors and are friends again' the children are still wondering if everything is going to be okay. Very young children may ask you questions such as, "Do you hate daddy," or "Are you going to get a divorce," which simply punctuates how unsafe arguing in front of the kids can make a child feel.
At the same time, children should learn that people who love each other do have disagreements. As an adult, you should pick and choose your moments to argue in front of the kids. If you are fussing about how much salt to put in the mashed potatoes or the house being a mess, and then make sure your children are able to witness the compromise that makes everything okay. Child development experts suggest that children learn how to argue and handle problems by watching their parents. What kind of example are you setting?
Knowing your own temperament is key. If you tend to be a hot head and explode about things right out of the gate, it is best that you learn to curb this behavior. Although your spouse may understand you, your children will not. Additionally, behaving this way with your spouse eventually suggests you will behave this way with your children as well. This will denote their trust in you and make them fearful of talking to you about problems in their own life. Take a breath. Go outside for a walk. Make sure that before you react to a situation in front of your children, you are acutely aware that what they hear will cause them to feel threatened in their home life. Obviously, you and your spouse aren't going to divorce over leaving the toilet seat up one too many times, but your children don't sense that.
When it is time to reconcile or talk about things, do it privately. Parents deserve to have private moments and children are neither privy nor privileged to be involved in every aspect of your life. At the same time, if they were around to witness the argument make sure you explain to them that mommy and daddy talked about their problems and everything is okay. Explain to them that when people love and respect each other, they will still have arguments but they will work hard to solve them. Strive to do the same thing with your children. When you and them have disagreements, make sure that they know you still love them and that talking about things will solve the problems.
Hiding every discretion from children can also give them a false sense of security. There are plenty of kids who hear about their parents divorcing or not getting along and are shocked and unprepared for the after math. This also develops into a false sense of what real life relationships in their own should be like. The best thing that a parent can do is know when something is appropriate to talk about in front of the children, and know when to keep their mouths shut until a private moment presents itself.
Children learn more from their parents by what their parents do, than they do from what they say. If you are preaching conflict resolution to your children but don't show them how it works in real life, you are doing them a great disservice. Instead, teach them that being upset or disappointed, being frustrated with someone you care about is natural and that it isn't the end of the world. This way, they will trust that their parents will work things out and they won't be scarred by hearing those impulsive things that couples say to one another in the heat of the moment. Your Kids Transitions Well From Day To Nighttime A Room Makeover Is Fast With Kids' Bedding Collections Avoiding Teenage Vandalism In Your Retail Park Child Custody Law - What Factors Verify The "best Interest Of The Child?" North Carolina Child Custody - Laws For Making A Custody And Visitation Schedule Indiana Kid Custody - Laws For Creating A Custody And Visitation Schedule Divorce - Understanding Child Joint And Legal Custody Laws The Significance of Imaginative Play For Kids A Variety of the Kids Movies for Today's Smart Chaps Make Purchasing A Child's Bed Fun For You As Well As Your Toddler Protecting Your Child From Dangers The Significance of Dressing Up in a Child's Advancement Child Custody Information: Know The Basics