Trust And Time Build Foundations For Enhanced Communication With Children
Disrespectful and defiant behaviors expressed by children can be extremely frustrating for parents
, but learning to approach the situations positively and create atmospheres of trust are important to turning these behaviors around.Throughout different periods of growth in youth, there are various stages of child development that cause changes on physical, social, and emotional levels. These changes can lead to confusion and stress for the child, resulting in negative behaviors. Parents who see the back-talking and defiant behaviors might feel the need to respond to these behaviors by exerting their own control and disciplining in equally negative ways. Negative reactions seldom lead to positive changes. In order for positive changes to occur as the child develops, children need to learn skills that allow them to cope and communicate through trusting relationships with parents.
It should be the goal of the parent to try to determine why the child is acting inappropriately. Even though the behaviors are frustrating, approaching these situations with as much inner strength and outward calm as possible is an effective parenting skill. Once an understanding of the background issue is achieved there are greater chances for open communications.
An important first step to addressing the negative behavior issues is time. Even though lives are hectic, parents must to be willing and enthusiastic to spend time with children. During this time it is imperative be an active listener for the child without criticizing the child. It is not a time to lecture or try to persuade. Positive communications begin with many opportunities for open conversations, with little pressure on the topic or outcome of the conversation. Parents should not choose volatile topics when trying to create an atmosphere of calm listening, but should start small with meaningful, yet not divisive questions or prompts. Children who feel they are being interrogated and judged will not be open and may actually shut down completely, turning again to negative behaviors. Regularly involving children in conversations and communications gives them a sense of value.
As parents become better listeners for their children, trust is built along the way. Parents might be tempted to criticize the thoughts and opinions of children when they don?t understand them or agree with them. It is paramount, however, that children learn that it is safe to share these thoughts. Parents can learn to ask their children questions and not react in negative ways to the responses. This does not equate a parent having to agree with everything, but instead shows the child that the parent can be trusted to listen. At later times parents can share own personal thoughts on the subject without passing judgments. Children who feel punished for their thoughts and opinions when they differ from those of parents will be less likely to communicate on any topic in the future.
The practices and habits of creating atmospheres of trust and open communication will ideally begin at young ages within families. The earlier these methods are used, the easier they will become a natural part of the family. It is, however, never too late to initiate this parenting style and the benefits are worth the effort.
Parents who do not have strong foundations with their children can get swept up in the cycle of negative reactions. Children might try to control in negative ways, but parents need to be mindful not to do the same as reactions to those behaviors. This usually results in almost a competition to outdo the opponent, when in actuality the parent and child should be working to form a team.
Patience, perseverance, and time will eventually outlast the negative behaviors and lead to trust and stronger relationships. The best deterrent for negative and defiant behaviors is open and caring communication. Parents need to try to understand the enormous changes that children plunder through as they develop, then provide their children with soft places to fall and strong arms to help them through the maze of adolescence with positive behaviors.
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