The Motivation For Adults To Disengage From The Damaging Impact On Them Of Child Abuse
If we believe deeply we are still suffering in terms of loss of self-esteem from
the impact on us of our parents' behaviour towards us, we have the choice whether to deal with it or whether to continue to screen it out. It may however be a choice that we are quite unaware that we have! If since our childhood, we have been in total denial that it ever occurred, we may know it only deep in our hearts. We may still leave it buried inside us, unattended.There is one key point relating to us ever coming to terms with it which is an unassailable truth. That is this: if someone is trying to make you review it or face it, that will never ever work for you. And I don't mean by a counsellor or a mentor. This is unlikely because of their professionalism. I mean, if your partner is insisting you deal with this.
Believe it or not, even if you believe you ought to analyse it, but don't really want to, then you will never review and analyse it properly either. The "ought to" loses out every time the going gets tough. The result is that our sense of self-esteem and self-worth stays low.
There is one way to fully come to terms with the impact of this behaviour on us as children and then self-inflicted on us as adults. We need to develop the pressing wish, the want to deal with it all - and without condition.
It will not be without fear or anxiety! That's too much to expect! But a "Want To" mentality is vital
So often, if we look at a challenge facing us, it seems like a mountain too high to climb. With child abuse in our past, pushing from where we are just has too much baggage attached. We never get far before we fall back into our old ways and low esteem..
Yet if we focus on the rewards to us in mind, body and spirit were we to go through with counselling willingly, then we can see the advantages to be immense. We would then be free of the burden, the baggage, the hurt, the guilt, the shame and the doubt in ourselves.
It needs that vivid and desirable visualisation of how our own very soul would be released and how we could live a happier life.
These are the vital dynamics to the process of disengagement from the past. It is the wanting and the visualising of the process done. That's what builds the strength of our will and determination. That's what will pull us through the early difficulties of coming to terms with it.
And this is true of the dynamics of any goal or mission. Want it enough; see and feel it enough and it begins to live in us, filling us with the passion and motivation until it's done.
So when at last you want to face down the abuse and its history, visualise how you will feel free of hurt, guilt and shame. Feel the relief of having shaken it off and having laid it to rest, that you will enjoy. Then embark on the journey of out-pouring which will be needed, while never doubting the vision of how much better you feel at the end of it.
Good luck on your path to greater happiness and justifiably greater self-esteem.
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