Santa's Secret For Traveling The World
Have you ever wondered how Santa Clause can get all the way around the world in just one night
? Did you ever include this question in your Santa Letter? Did you ever get a letter from Santa with the explanation? If you answered yes, yes, and no, to these questions, fear not. I have the answer and I am ready to reveal it. You see, I also wondered about this particularly perplexing problem personally and decided to find out. In a secret meeting arranged through a friend of a friend of a friend, I met with Ivanovitch Romanitzski who happens to be on Santa's Astrophysics team. He revealed the secret to me in exchange for my 1961 D-17-coke bottle cap manufactured in Lincoln Nebraska, (It was in mint condition) which almost completes his collection.First of all, it is important that we establish a fact that not many people know. Elves are a brilliant species with simple tastes. The dumbest elf child has a higher IQ than the smartest human adult. It seems that with elves and possibly even with humans, the smarter you are the less you need or desire in life. You long for the simple things like a good snowstorm, a cup of hot cocoa, and a fine bottle-cap collection, which is the epitome of classic elf life on the high side. Ivan, as I like to call him, (I cannot pronounce his full name very well) gave me the skinny on how Santa gets around the world in one night. While I do not understand the mechanics of it, I will try to explain it in simpler terms.
Santa, being the brilliant man that he is, came up with the solution when his nice list began to grow too large for him to handle in one night. He gathered together some of the finest Elvin Astrophysicists that he could muster and created a team that was dedicated to finding a solution to his problem, which, by the way, was heat. You see, the faster you go, the hotter you get. Santa had to generate faster and faster speeds to get around. The year before the first successful launch in his new multi-dimensional sleigh, he was moving so fast that the nose of the lead reindeer became super heated and is still glowing red to this day!
Santa's elves use a heat shield that is "painted" onto the front of his sleigh. This shield disperses the heat so that Santa, who is an excellent pilot, could fly in and out of the atmosphere at the very tip of the stratosphere, the highest layer of atmosphere before space. Inside this thin boundary lie inter-dimensional portals that allow you to skip dimensions if you are moving at the right speed and hit them at just the right angle. There are apparently several different levels of dimensions of which, we are on level 11. Some dimensions lead backwards in time and are called Reverse Angle Dimensions or RADs. Other portals will slip Santa into Future Angle Dimensions or FADs. Another dimensional portal leads to an alternate space in the same time stream yet it moves slower. These slow motion portals are called Slow Angle Dimensions or SADs. Finally, there is one portal in which time does not exist. If a person were to enter a TAD, or Timeless Angle Dimension, accidentally, he could stumble about for years looking for a way out. When This person finally found the exit, it would be the same time upon exit as it was when entered. I am told that to the human eye it looks like the person who went into the TAD and then came back out had merely turned around. (And suddenly had a beard)
Santa uses these Dimensional portals to slip in and out of dimensions so that he can control time and deliver millions of toys in one night.
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