Message To Kids Being Bullied: Be Assertive And Not Aggressive
When you get "dissed", you will get angry but you need to do something
, so act as if you can handle it. When someone says something hurtful there is the immediate feeling you need to strike back and get one up on them. As good as it sounds it's not be the best way to handle the situation.But, you cannot ignore the bully. If you do there is a very good chance once you are targeted they will continue the bullying to see what reaction it gets and use that reaction to feed their popularity.
If you are being bullied you need to tell someone. Sit down with your mom and dad or any adult you respect and talk; tell them it is important they just listen. Ask them not to judge or even offer advice.
When you are done, decide together what will be the next step. Don't hold back. Tell them what you think. It's ok to admit you are scared, or angry, or hurt. The more you talk the easier it will become to keep talking until it's all out. Getting what is hurting you out in the open is very important. You might even cry, and there is no shame it this at all. These are your feelings and they are important because you are important.
What is happening to you needs to be fixed. There are no easy answers but by talking we share the pain, and shared pain is easier to bear. Your mom and dad will hurt for you because they love you, and it is important to tell them the truth so they can better understand what you are going through and they maybe had a problem growing up just like the one you face right now.
Here are some techniques to use to avoid being the target of a bully:
*When a bully attacks you verbally never use phrases like, "you're not so tough," or "well, you're a (calling them the same name they just used upon you)" or "oh yeah ..."
*The more you ignore the bully in a public forum the more they will press the situation. If not now, then they might at a later because the bully will see this as a challenge.
*Do not look away as a means of avoiding the conflict. It just creates a greater need to get your attention and the attention of others they are trying to impress.
*Don't engage in long banter. The more you argue your position and ask to be left alone the more attention you draw to the situation. State your point, use clear language and tone, and move on.
*Practice standing up straight. When sitting, sit straight. Good posture equals confidence. People respect confidence. In the same vein, look people in the eye when you talk. There are some cultures where eye contact is rude so pay attention to where they look when they talk to you. If you aren't sure, ask.
*Walk with a friend, or several. There is, and always has been, safety in numbers. A single stick can break easily, a bundle not so.
*Choose carefully the words you use when insulted or challenged.
It makes a bully feel good to win and they believe winning is having the last say with an insult as you walk away, or the last act with a shove or a punch. Say, "Maybe it makes you feel good to insult me, but you can find a better way to speak to people." Or say, "I hear you." Then walk away.
You did not hide and hope it goes away and this is important because people are watching what you do and how you handle it.
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