He Never Makes Time For Me And The Kids: Tips That Might Help
He Never Makes Time For Me And The Kids: Tips That Might Help
I recently received correspondence from a wife who said that her husband made himself so busy with work and obligations that he was never home to spend any quality time with their family. In fact, the wife said that the husband got home so late at night that the kids were already asleep and was rarely home on weekends either. When he was home, he was distant, cold, and had very little patience with what was typical behavior with children.
Every time the wife tried to bring this up with him, the withdrew even more and would tell her that her nagging and her demands made him want to stay away even more. Basically, the tension in the home was becoming almost unbearable and the wife was starting to feel extremely resentful and angry about her husband's absence. This attitude was rubbing off on the children, who were pretty much keeping their distance from their father at this point. The wife wasn't sure what to do at this point. She missed her husband and wanted for him to be involved in their lives. But, it was clear that the husband was very resistant to her and that every time she tried to tip toe up to this subject, it only made things worse.
The wife was right to be concerned. This is no way to live. This was not good for either adult in the situation and it certainly was not healthy for the children. I felt that this was an issue that needed to be addressed, but that the results would likely be better if the wife approached it from a new and different way. I will discuss this more in the following article.
Identifying The Reason Why The Husband Wasn't Making Time For His Family: There was no question that the husband in this situation had a high stress job and a very busy work life. This was the reality of the situation and there was no real way to change that. However, the husband was able to make time for things like golfing and getting together with his friends. He seemed to be putting these priorities above being with his family.
However, I strongly suspected that if I were to talk to the husband about this issue, I might hear another version of the story. I've talked to men in this situation and they almost overwhelmingly tell me that they just want an escape and a time to relax and they can't always get that when they spend time with their wife. In short, they want and need regular time to decompress, but they perceive that time with the family doesn't always provide this.
And, of course, the more the wife approached this topic, the more likely the husband was to think that she was nagging and so he would retreat even further. So, the cycle just kept on repeating itself and getting worse and worse. It's usually clear that someone needs to interrupt and redirect the cycle and that's exactly what I felt that the wife should attempt to do.
Making Family Time An Opportunity To Decompress And Relax: If you spend anytime talking to couples in this situation, you often see that the two spouses see the time together in question differently. The wife wants the husband around to help her and to provide her some relief with being alone constantly and being responsible for all of the household responsibilities. Of course, she also wants to spend quality time with him, but she feels like she's going it alone and wants someone to share this with.
The husband often sees things differently. He will usually tell you that he works very hard 95% of the time and that this makes him very tired. So, on the rare occasion that he can relax, this is precisely what he wants to do. It would likely greatly help the wife if she were able to combine family time with this relaxation. There had to be some activities that would appeal to both of them which would be both relaxing and would allow for them to spend more time together. And, it's always possible to compromise. The husband could spend the morning playing golf with friends, but could then commit to spending the entire afternoon and evening with the family.
No matter how the wife was able to accomplish this, it was important that she accomplish it in any manner necessary. Ignoring this problem and continuing to try to guilt the husband or issue ultimatums were only going to make things worse. The husband would likely pull away even more and eventually the intimacy could really erode to the point where the marriage could be in real trouble. And, this was precisely what the wife did not want.
The situation wasn't really fair to anyone, nor was anyone really 100% with the arrangement. But I felt with a little compromise, things could gradually change for the better.
Unfortunately, I almost waited too long to change my actions and my approach when I began to see my husband withdrawing from me and spending more time away from home. Making things better took a 380 degree turnaround on my part, but it was so worth it. I was eventually able to return the love and intimacy, and save the marriage. You can read a very personal story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com/ An Easy Way To Control Weight Of Your Child! Five Fun Children's Birthday Party Themes You Can Do Right Now Silly Bandz - The Latest Kids Fad That May Seem a Little Silly Should I Have Sex Around Ovulation To Get A Boy Baby? I'll Tell You What Should You Eat During Ovulation To Conceive A Boy Or A Girl? Conceiving During Ovulation: Does This Give You A Boy Or A Girl? Help your child realize his career dream by following his passion Hiring A Child Support Attorney: What Are The Things To Look For When Hiring A Child Support Lawyer? Nurse Keeps Waiting For Doctor To Show Up While Unborn Child Suffers From Fetal Distress Excellent Child Shower Hostess Gifts The Best Oximeter Used For Children Normal Sounds And Noises Can Affect Autistic Children The Many Types Of Child Behavior Problems You Need To Know About