Defiance in children: How to handle it ?
Defiance in children: how to deal with it?
"My baby really gives me a tough time"; "he is becoming stubborn as a mule"- are common reactions from mothers of children in the age group of 3-5 years.
Think before labeling your child as being stubborn or throwing tantrums may be part of his normal growing-up. This needs to be dealt with caution lest it may result in serious behavioral problems.
Here are some ready reckoners which can help you deal with such behavior:
Be firm and consistent: Parents need to be consistent while defining what a permissible behavior is and what is not, by giving reasons appropriate for the child's age. Talking to the ward in a non-argumentative manner helps in controlling tantrums.
Give space to the child and value their opinion: As adults we all like to do things the way we please; so is the case with children. Conforming to the child's opinion and at the same time suggesting from one's end, instills the desired sense of responsibility and respect in them.
Congenial and conducive home environment: Interpersonal behavior between the family members, one's approach in handling difference in opinion is of much significance for there's a possibility of the child aping confrontational behavior in the family.
Using stories to structure their behaviour: Children are extremely imaginative. Harness this quality by telling stories, highlighting good and bad behavior and these reinforcements can be used to model a child's behaviour. Stories can be used to ward off the unwanted behavior that commonly arises due to peer pressure. Quizzing the child at the end of the story about what happened to the characters of the story and how he would've handled hypothetical situations if he got into one, not only increases their concentration and abstract reasoning but also gives opportunity to ventilate their internal feelings.
Importance of communication in the family: Talking and sharing on day to day basis about what happened with them during the day, talking about funny things they did, often sharing one's own experiences lets your young one have the sense of security and ease approachability. Talk to the child in a way that gives them space to think by using phrases such as- "I don't think you should talk like this" or "what do you think, you should do?" in turn gives them sense of responsibility.
Value of Family as a unit': Doing certain activities together which may be dining together or playing the game of ludo' or chess' together, increases the interaction between family members and strengthens emotional security.
Addressing child's feelings: Talking about the feelings of the child eases their pent-up emotions and increases his chances of abiding by the instructions eg: when a small child denies to write a page of single alphabet, complaining of it as boring to write it over and over again. You can tell him that if he does it, he can begin to write beautifully and also make his small muscles strong. This makes the little one realise that his mother understands him and with positive reinforcement increases the likelihood that child would write.
Respect and responsibility towards authority figures: Kids keep a close watch on their parents' attitude while discussing about authority figures like school teachers or their boss. They tend to imitate their parent's behaviour when opportunity comes their way.
Own up to your mistake: Saying sorry' when at fault instills feeling of sensitivity towards others.
Avoid sarcasm while talking to the child: Using sarcasm, humor or remarks which might be insulting to the child only increases the possibility of defiant behaviour. By framing positive sentences, being informative and acknowledging child's feelings while handling such behaviors go long way in gradually thwarting these and shaping up child's personality.
Dr. Anshu Kulkarni
Consultant Psychiatrist and Psychotherapist
dranshu0422@gmail.com
Defiance in children: How to handle it ?
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