Bullied Kids Should Aim For Assertiveness
Bullied Kids Should Aim For Assertiveness
When a young person gets 'dissed, communications authority Lee Fjelstad knows he or she will get angry. But instead of ignoring bullying or lashing out, they must act as if they can handle it.
"When someone says something hurtful there is the immediate feeling you need to strike back and get one-up on them," says Fjelstad, vice president of the Verbal Judo Institute. "As good as it sounds it's not the best way to handle the situation."
But, one cannot ignore verbal harassment. If they do there is a very good chance they will be targeted.
If a young person or teen is being bullied they need to tell someone. Sit down with a parent or adult they respect and talk; it is important that the adult just listen. They must not judge or even offer advice.
When the youth is done talking, they must decide together what will be the next step. "It is OK for the young person to admit that he or she is scared, angry or hurt. The more they talk, the easier it will be to keep talking until it's all out. They might even cry; there is no shame in this at all. These are important feelings," Fjelstad said.
Fjelstad offers these tips culled from Verbal Judo training principles:
* When a bully attacks verbally, one should never use phrases like, "you're not so tough," or "well, you're a (calling them the same name they just used upon you)" or "oh yeah "
* The more one ignores the bully in a public forum the more they will press the situation. If not now, then they might at a later because the bully will see this as a challenge.
* Do not look away as a means of avoiding the conflict. It just creates a greater need to get your attention and the attention of others they are trying to impress.
* Don't engage in long banter. The more one argues his or her position and asks to be left alone the more attention drawn to the situation. One should state their point, use clear language and tone and move on.
* Practice standing up straight. When sitting, sit straight. Good posture equals confidence. People respect confidence. In the same vein, look people in the eye when you talk.
* Walk with a friend, or several. There is, and always has been, safety in numbers. A single stick can break easily, a bundle not so.
* Choose carefully the words to use when insulted or challenged.
"It makes a bully feel good to win and they believe winning is having the last say, or the last act with a shove or a punch. Say, 'Maybe it makes you feel good to insult me, but you can find a better way to speak to people.' Or say, 'I hear you.' Then walk away," says Fjelstad.
"You did not hide and hope it goes away and this is important because people are watching what you do and how you handle it."
W. Lee Fjelstad is the vice president the Verbal Judo Institute (VerbalJudo.com), which was founded by Dr. George Thompson in 1983 to train people on conflict resolution via the tactical use of words. Four books have been written on Verbal Judo and over 700,000 law enforcement professionals have been trained on its methods. Also visit our forum at ManageBullying.com. Great Ways To Deal With Childhood Anxiety Disorder Benefits Available for Disabled Children Why Are My Children Misbehaving? When Children Say "NO" and you wish to Stop Toddler Tantrums Children's backpacks - a require for every youngster Olive Oil Lice Treatment For Children Throw A Beach Birthday Party For Your Child! Childrens Feet - Podiatrist in Kenmore, NY Special Bedwetting Diapers Give Kids Privacy Anxiety Free Children Scam What Is The Best Amount Of Contact For Children? Children's Horse Riding Helmets Looking For Places To Go With Kids?