Adhd Children: Understanding Tantrums
What is today called Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
, or ADHD, has been a recognized condition, albeit perceived in many ways, for likely hundreds of years. Stimulants have been used for treating it for more than seven decades now. However, about fifteen years ago, I still believed that ADHD wasn't real and that it might just an excuse for lazy parenting.But then my first two children of my second marriage, despite my denial, grew into pre-teens who developed difficulties in getting school assignments done, although they were otherwise excellent students. These two had always resisted doing things they didn't want to, and they'd never been cooperative in doing their share of the household chores like my previous ten children had. But their floundering at school caused me to belatedly take them for thorough assessments, which resulted in positive diagnoses for ADHD and ADD.
The younger of these two children was my daughter. She had ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). Apparently, lots of parents of ODD children actually give up on trying to be in charge of them and just let the children be in charge of themselves. I understand that feeling but refused to give up on my daughter because that would have put her at increased risk in the community. But she fought my every effort to be in charge of her, and to keep her on track and safe. My son did not have the hyperactivity symptom along with his ADD, and his behaviors were much less "in my face" than my daughter's were. As an adult, he doesn't believe he's had ADD. But I had ten non-ADHD children with my first husband. And these two had thorough ADHD assessments. So, I'm convinced they both have had this affliction (as their father has). It was so frustrating raising these two children that I was willing to actually medicate them. But they refused to take meds because of the side effects.
During one particular chat I was having with this son when he was a teen (when I was exasperated with his behaviors) I offered an observation. Because he didn't laugh, I assume he didn't appreciate the humor embedded in my rather emphatic remark, "You're the second most annoying person that I ever gave birth to." He was, for sure. And his younger, ADHD sister was the first. For quite a few years I despaired of the two of them ever learning the life skills I was trying to teach them. But they are both doing quite well at present.
My ADHD children were quite the same as my others with one important aspect of discipline. My first five kids all threw tantrums...but my last eight didn't. My fifth, at fourteen months, was cured a week or so after I discovered what to change in my parenting style. What I had learned with him worked just as well with my ADHD kids as it did with the rest. You too can opt into a tantrum-free lifestyle, even with ADHD children.
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