The Six Personas Of Challenging Kids
When dealing with a competitor it is important to firstly realise that consequences hold little fear and make little difference to them. If you ground them, they will say fine ground me I'm happy in my room.
Again these kids love an audience and so never enter into conflict with a competitor in the presence of an audience as you will loose. Competitors respond best when parents challenge them, however be careful not to directly 'bet' your child. Use third person challenges such as "not many people would believe that you could....." or "not many people would believe you were responsible enough to....."
Do not compare their performance to others but rather to their past performances. One oversight often seen with these kids is that because winning comes so naturally t these kids we can overlook the fact that they are not good at just playing games. Look fr opportunities to involve them in activities that are not competitive, there is no winner or loser, such as theatre sports or drama. Competitors are usually good at taking responsibility and it is important to ensure that they have a few age appropriate areas of responsibility in order to assist their development.
The Dare Devil (Steve Irwin, Evel Knievel, Harry Houdini): is the child always reporting to the lost counter t the local show. Parenting these kids is like being involved in an extreme sport.
These kids are high attention-seekers and they just love a challenge, especially with thrills and excitement. They often excel in careers such as emergency service workers, fire-fighters, police officers or stunt performers. Unfortunately they are not great forward planners.
They are often very sweet natured and have no intent on causing concern or worry and in fact as they have little to no fear they it is rare that the thought you may be alarmed never enters their head. It fact the love these kids have for intensity means they often do not think things though.
As we are not going to be able to wean these kids away from their thrills and spills we need to find more positive forms of risk taking such as motocross, paintball, camping etc.
Again in conflict situations it is beneficial to remove conflict away from the audience as these kids have a reputation t uphold and maintain. These kids are very optimistic and so often overestimate their own abilities. To combat this we need to assist them to think things through and develop effective sequencing by asking lots of questions when they are planning something.
Although this can be like pulling teeth, it does help prepare them for the risks they are about to undertake. In addition some relaxation, visualisation and mental imagery coupled with concentration exercises will assist them to become more focused.
The Passive Resistor (Mahatma Gandhi, Aung San Suu Kyi): is usually vague, secretive and disorganised, they tend to move through life slowly. They tend to be unaware of things ie 'why didn't you do your homework?' they would reply 'what homework?' They have a tendency to infuriate and drive their parents mad.
Passive resisters are often very bright and very sensitive and can retreat and avoid life in order to avoid failure, and like competitors don't care much for consequences. They tend to have a style of learned 'helplessness' which is passive and appear to hope that all will go away. They appear calm on the outside and often retreat from life and become very private about their thoughts and feelings. They often lose possessions and appear not to listen of take in information. These kids are minimalists in both action and verbal conversations, often with one word answers.
What does not work for these kids is yelling, insisting, pleading, trying to be a motivational coach or guessing what they are thinking. However, frequently an increase in responsibility brings about desire change.
The best way to influence these kids is to build a positive relationship. During this relationship building phase look directly at them when talking to them and do not accept shrugs and one word answers. Basically you need to think of decreasing pressure and increasing presence. They need to know that it is not an option to avoid some family interaction. Look for opportunities to their confidence and competence by caring for others or pets.