Your Children Are Not Little Versions Of You
Parents want the best for their kids, which is why they worry about a lot of things when it comes to their children
. But among the many things that parents get too conscious about, is their child's learning abilities - learning, meaning parents usually feel that their children should already be "accomplishing" something at a certain age.A lot of parents worry that maybe their children are not having the things that they should have. Like, if their kid is not yet potty trained at the age 3, they panic. Or when their 10 year old still needs his mom to answer his assignments in school, something is wrong.
One of the main reasons why a lot of parent and child relationships are problematic is the tendency of parents' expectations to be too high. Although this is not to say that parents should be permissive or should be strict, parents should know when to set the limit. They have to know the actual potential and abilities of their kids before setting anything.
Previous studies show that most parents commit the mistake of expecting too much from their kids. They expect their children to do things that they are not yet capable to do, then they judge them if they fail to please the demands. When you look at that setup objectively, something is terribly wrong.
Parents often fall into doing an overly simple age-targeting, which is the reason why some kids have low self confidence. Parents should know that children develop differently, but it is actually forgivable if your child fails to excel in everything that she does. She may be doing really well in school, but she may also be a slow swimmer compared to her classmates.
You need to learn to stop looking at parenting under a subjective light. Avoid setting certain standards within a small group, and avoid judging your child according to your own experience. Stop comparing your kids to your cousin's, to the neighbor's, or even to your own childhood self.
Parents do not know it, but most of the time their expectations when it comes to their child's psychological abilities, especially their physical achievements are often too high. A number of previous studies show that parents consistently overestimate some aspects of their child's being - like self control, ability to obey instructions, performance, and social ability. Sometimes, parents even get too honest and real about it with their kids.
However, children do not need you to be real to them. Instead, they need you to be a parent - understanding and forgiving. Always keep in mind that your children are not little versions of you. They are different from you, and especially from other people. They learn things at their own pace, so avoid rushing them into doing things. Your child is not a little adult, but a kid. And you should know the difference between the two.
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