Being a Parent After Divorce
Being a Parent After Divorce
Being A Parent After Divorce
Parenting after divorce presents new challenges. Each parent will have their own rules and approach. The kids have to learn that mom and dad's house is different. The rule remains though that both parents will have better outcomes if they back each other up.
Often when one thinks of disciplining kids you think of angry exchanges with both sides feeling frustrated and misunderstood. You usually won't get the right response unless you and your child are calm, so make that the first step. When your child is responsive, which means ready to listen, he or she can practice a skill you are trying to teach them, instead of just giving them a consequence. You can remember this approach as "CPR: Calm, Practice, and Reinforce."
Calm first. Don't argue. Discipline should not exhaust the parent. Talk with them if there are genuine questions. Otherwise, choose to deal with the emotions instead of just the behavior. They are probably too upset to respond appropriately. Model a calm state to slowly turn off their "alarm system." Identify and accept what they are feeling. For now, don't teach. Physical and verbal aggression, however, is designed to shock, upset, and control you. Don't let it work. If your child is too disruptive, lead him or her from the room to a spot where he or she can sit. Ensure safety. As soon as you can and are calm, join your child. Don't address behavior yet at this point.
In general,
Increase the amount of calm time spent together in the home.
Create routine and warn about transitions ahead of time.
Expectations should not be too high. Take it step by step.
Practice the right behavior. Of course, they must be calm and responsive for practice sessions. Start by modeling calm ways to solve problems since it is the most effective teaching tool. Focus on the right behavior instead of the wrong. For example, if a child slams doors, he can practice telling you what he feels and wants from you. That does not mean he is entitled, just that he can express himself appropriately. Younger kids can be shown what to do. Older kids can practice describing both sides of an issue and thinking of possible solutions, even if they don't agree.
In general,
Positive interactions need to outweigh negative interactions.
Spend time, talk, and show affection.
Describe their accomplishments throughout the day.
Reinforce with routine privileges, plus special privileges at unexpected times, after calming and practicing. Perhaps a designated light can be used to indicate privileges, and when it is turned off, privileges are on hold until responsibilities are completed.
In general,
Negative reactions are powerful reinforcers of negative behavior.
Long-term disadvantages exist for using fear, threats, and isolation.
Make the right behavior get better results for the child.
Using calm approaches work better in the long run, and positive consequences teach more than the negative. Negative consequences can control behavior in the short-term, but not necessarily in the long term. Positive consequences include enabling your kids to research a topic, volunteer somewhere, or provide restitution. Most importantly, your positive or negative reaction to kid's behavior is a useful predictor of future problems. Whatever approach you use, don't forget the three "C's:" consistency, consistency, and consistency.
Wii Parental Control Password Resetter - Free Password Resetter Free Positive Parenting tips Adoption Assistance Agency Talks to Expecting Parents (Also Called Birth Parents) Birth Defects Possibly Linked to Valproic Acid: What Parents Should Know Apparent Benefits of Call Center Services Parents on Facebook - Strategies For Peaceful Connection Google are apparently going to be working close Tablet PC Parental Control What Australian parents look for in a car Six Tips On How to Be a Greener Parent Preemie Parents – 26 Ways to Grow With Your Premature Baby Duplicate Files and Parental Responsibility Living without parents