What to Consider Before Adopting a Child
What to Consider Before Adopting a Child
There can be no greater gift to a child than to offer them a loving home. There are many children who, through a variety of circumstances find themselves not being able to live with their birth parents and need a permanent home. Adoption is often the best solution for these children. This article sets out to explore what consideration potential adopters need to consider when putting themselves forward.
People are drawn to adopting children for a wide range of reasons. Often it can be as a result of not being able to conceive themselves and have either tried IVF unsuccessfully, or do not wish to put themselves through this process. There are also many people who have had their own children, but simply want to offer a home to a child for philanthropic reasons. Their expectations vary enormously, but in the main adopters do not necessarily appreciate the issues that adopted children bring with them.
Children that are placed for adoption have generally experienced abusive and/or neglectful parenting and as a result it has been determined that they are unable to live with their birth parents. Consequently, these children will have had very disrupted lives. Often even before birth they have been subject to alcohol/drug misuse in utero which can have an effect upon their development. Whilst with their parents there may have great instability due to family's situation. They then are removed from their parents' care to be placed in some form of alternative care, before then being placed for adoption.
This change and uncertainty can lead to a child feeling insecure and uncertain about their identity. Whilst the child's attachment to their parents will have been detrimentally affected by the circumstances in which they were living, but no matter what degree of abuse or neglect they have experienced, there will have been a significant attachment, albeit a faulty one. This needs to be understood by adopters who may want their newly adopted children to quickly form attachments to them. It is inevitable, particularly for older children, that they will continue to feel some degree of loyalty to their parents.
It is important, even for children who are adopted as babies, that they have a good understanding of their background, i.e. that they know that they are adopted and the reasons behind this. Adopters need to be open and honest with their adopted children whilst at the same time ensuring that discussions are age appropriate and taken at the child's pace. Failure to do this may result in the child getting to know this accidentally in later life in an entirely unplanned way which could have devastating consequences upon their feelings of self-worth and identity.
While many adopted children have no particular difficulties and thrive in their new home, it needs to be recognised that the likelihood of adopted children experiencing emotional and behavioural difficulties is higher than the general population. The reasons for this relates to the disrupted attachments in their early life. If this is found to the case it is important to seek specialist help at the earliest opportunity.
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