What You Can Do If You Are In A Bad Marriage
What You Can Do If You Are In A Bad Marriage
At times a couple may not be aware of that their union is troubled. Or in some cases couples are aware that there is a problem but elect to just withstand the situation rather than making moves to save the relationship.
Why? The reason may stem from the family conditions that each partner has grown up in. A spouse whose parents had a bad marriage often see this as the barometer and does not realize the need to take notice or may not even be cognizant that there is a problem. He or she may have a confused belief that the situation is commonplace as he or she has experienced it before. Might be these misconceptions have been implanted in the spouse since a tender age while watching his or her parents sit through a bad marriage. Hence, having a bad marriage himself or herself does not prompt any reactions.
So what are the signs of a bad marriage?
No intimacy, for one. Though before, both spouses can't wait to be intimate with each other, now there is absence of ardor. The simple caress, the stolen kisses, the holding of hands - all these are gone.
No communication. Communication is basic to bonding. And marriage is all about the union of two people. When communication is gone, the partners cannot accord themselves the opportunity to connect and cultivate the marital bond.
Physical and verbal abuse. Abuse means there is no respect between the partners. Physical or verbal abuse is a significant sign of a bad marriage. Marriage should be based on respect and love, and when these are not present, trouble ensues.
Couples generally fall into the trap of denial. Factors such as fear from reprisal from family and friends can prevent the couple from dealing with the problem head on and seeking help to save the relationship. Other factors such as the well-being of the children cause couples to just suffer the situation without doing anything about it. These couples do not understand that this does not help their children at all. If left as is, the children will grow up in an environment filled with agitation and restlessness and lack of standards to emulate in their own relationships later on.
So what should you do? First, discuss it; this takes the communication back into the relationship. When you talk it over with your spouse, you can better be aware of that there is a problem. When both of you concur that there is a problem, it will be easier to ask for help. Sometimes partners opt to attempt to save the relationship by themselves without seeking help. There is nothing wrong with this - for a first step. Though if you discover that you are not making headway, thus it is high time to seek help from a third party through counseling or through resources that you can tap like self-help books or through the internet.
We are at times captured in our illusions of castles in the sky and think that love will crush all and things will work out by themselves. Nothing wrong in being positive about it. But sometimes a third party is needed to direct to you and your spouse each of your weak points and figure out objectively what the problem is.
Not acting on it and trying to live out a bad marriage can result to stress and tension not only for you and your spouse but your children and other family members as well. Do not be resigned and just pray things will work out. You can do something to save the relationship.
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