What Do I Do If I Think My Spouse Has Turned The Children Against Me?
Your ex-spouse has primary custody of your child
. When it comes time for your scheduled visit, your child may suddenly act out, or even refuses to go with you. You suspect that your ex is manipulating your child; however, the truth is that these reactions could very well be your childs way of processing the changes that have occurred. She or he may feel a sense of loyalty to the primary custodial parent, or might even be trying to somehow comfort that parent through the transition of divorce. In such cases, the child should be encouraged to keep the scheduled visit so as to avoid taking one parents side over the other. If the problem persists, parents should seek the help of a therapist or counselor. But the problem itself might be avoided entirely with the help of custody mediation in California.Experts have now defined the condition for when a child reacts negatively to the idea of visiting a non-residential parent. Called Parental Alienation Syndrome, or PAS, this condition occurs when the childs allegiance to the primary custodial parent becomes so extreme that they reject the other parent altogether. Expressions of negative feelings may echo those of their custodial parent, who might have fallen into a pattern of speaking ill of their ex-spouse in front of the child, coloring the childs own perception. This dangerous pattern can even be unintentional; however, children are like sponges, and can easily understand a broad range of emotions. By seeking the help of custody mediation in California, you can address this problem before it starts.
Contact Peace-Talks to find out more information on custody mediation in California.
If you think you are the victim of PAS, there are several options you can explore to remedy the situation. The most immediate is to speak to your child directly, or, if thats uncomfortable, have someone both you and your child trusts speak on your behalf. Its critical that you convey your feelings honestly and openly. Tell your child how much s/he means to you, and how much their rejection is hurting you. Finally, ask your child how you can come together to repair and rebuild your relationship. If this option fails and your child chooses not to cooperate, you can file a motion with the court for contempt of a visitation agreement. This will result in the court enforcing your visitation conditions. Should the court find the childs other parent guilty of contempt, it can levy financial, detainment, or other sanctions through changes in parenting orders. Keep in mind, however, that these are drastic measures that carry the potential for added trauma for your child. Isnt it better to seek custody mediation before reaching this point?
Custody mediation in California can help ease the pain of separation, divorce and post-divorce transitions. You owe it to your child to seek the advice of experts to assist you and more importantly, them with the tough days ahead.
Excerpted from Your Divorce Advisor; A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce (Simon & Schuster/Fireside 2001).
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