The "Popularity Contest" Parenting Strategy - Children Can See Right Through It

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Generally it's a step-parent feeling the need to "win over" the step-children

or it could simply be that the step-parent role is new and confusing, particularly to one that has never had their own children therefore has very little or no expertise with parenting issues. If that step-parent is with the biological parent who tends to be the more indulgent parent, it becomes a drawback, especially if a kid sees this as an chance to take control.When the step-parent views things as a popularity-contest, it is a no-win situation for all involved, especially if the oldsters engage in it.It is extremely vital for folks and step-parents to keep the youngsters OUT of any power-struggles they need with one another. It can be terribly alluring to involve them, but it exhibits a large degree of maturity and integrity to resist that temptation. Not to resist displays a self-serving immaturity which will inflict long-term injury on the kids and their relationships with all the concerned (step)parents.The vital factor to appreciate is that a contest isn't a contest without contestants. By this I mean: even if another (step)parent decides to interact you in an exceedingly power-struggle, you have got the ability to disengage and end the contest.Bear in mind that up till currently you've got done your best to lift your kids in the most effective approach you'll with what you had. Everybody makes mistakes along the means, mistakes being opportunities to learn. Just as a result of you will not parent in the identical means as the opposite parent or step-parent, that does not create it wrong nor right. It additionally does not build them wrong, nor right. There is no absolute wrong nor right in parenting...with ONE exception: dragging youngsters into the facility-struggles of adults is often WRONG.How do we have a tendency to avoid this?- Communicate directly with each other. If you are not comfortable with the step-parent, raise that they not be involved within the conversation, but if they're concerned create positive the biological parent is present throughout any discussions regarding your children.- Never criticize the other parent or step-parent in the presence of your children. If you disagree with a choice the other (step)parent has created, do not undermine that choice. Stay neutral or supportive until you'll be able to discuss it with the opposite parent directly. The kids must invariably perceive you as a parenting TEAM.- Do not interact in negative discussions together with your children about the other (step)parents. Encourage your children to communicate their considerations directly. You must remain neutral, despite your personal feelings or opinions.- Discourage them from venting to you, however provide an arena for them if venting is needed such as a counselor, support cluster, or trusted neutral friend.- The other (step)parents may not follow these "rules" of conduct. You have got no control over their choices and behavior but you do have management over your own. After they show disrespect toward you, resist the temptation to retaliate. Your youngsters will be watching to determine who handles the situation maturely. If it cannot be everybody, then let it's you!

The "Popularity Contest" Parenting Strategy - Children Can See Right Through It

By: Robert Mccormack

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