Talking To Your Children About Divorce: What And What Not To Say
If divorce is a topic that's difficult for adults
, imagine how hard it is for children. The conversation may be difficult, but it's important to have it if you don't want your children to be left wondering about the answers and filling in the blanks on their own. Kids are often deeply upset by divorce, but it can be resolved when there is good communication between them and the parents.Keep in mind the age and personality of your children when you prepare for any discussion. Odds are that a two-year-old is simply too young to comprehend a long, drawn-out discussion about your relationship, so it's best not to try and communicate on that level.
Simply explain to younger children that Mommy or Daddy won't be living with them anymore, but will be moving to a new home. Be sure to tell them that the parent that is leaving truly loves them and wants them around but that they will have their main home with the parent that will have custody.
As kids get older, they can more easily understand what love is and what it feels like. If they are constantly watching you and your spouse argue or get into fights then the atmosphere is not good and they will appreciate a break in the insanity. If you believe they are mature enough to understand what divorce is then it is a good idea to break it to them honestly.
Let them know that the parents will not be able to continue to live together because the relationship between them has changed. While you shouldn't sugar coat the process, you should also be very careful not to slander your spouse in front of the kids, no matter how old they are.
They love both of their parents and they will surely resent the parent that trash talks the other in front of them. Even if your, soon to be ex, was really a terrible person and did some horrific things, the kids do not need to hear of it. You should not cause your son or daughter to turn against their parent. Later on they will be annoyed with you.
If you have to explain a divorce to your children, trust in their love and talk to them honestly in an age-appropriate manner.
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