Pregnant? Adoption Is An Option
Many years ago, I wrote an article that still applies today
. I've updated a few things. Here's the article:Adoption Is An Option
Each year 750,000 unmarried teens become pregnant.
Of these, 32% opt for abortion,
while less than 4% place their babies for adoption.
Abortion or adoption! Murder or abandonment! I'm so confused! thought Jill as she stepped off the downtown bus. My friends say keep the baby, but this is seriousthe future of an innocent, unborn baby is in my hands.
Jill froze in front of the adoption agency door. I can't do this, she thought as she spun around, shoved her hands in her pockets, and scurried back to the bus stop just in time to choke on the exhaust fumes hurling from the departing bus.
Id give anything to take back that one night with Michael, Jill wished as she fanned the fumes from her face. But here I am, 16, single, and six months pregnant. Responsibility. Well, I sure blew it that night. But I can't blow it again. Tears welled up in Jill's eyes and she turned around. I can do this, she told herself and she swallowed hard, blinked, took a deep breath and walked through the door marked "Abortion Alternatives - Specializing in Open Adoption."
"Hi, how can I help you?" asked the adoption agency receptionist.
"I need information on adoption," Jill said, snorting back a sniffle and glancing around the softly lit room. "No one knows I'm here, so can I please talk to someone right now?"
"Sure, have a seat," said the receptionist as she handed a box of tissues to Jill. "An intake counselor will be with you shortly.
"Hello, my name is Barb," said the intake counselor as she shook Jill's hand. "Please have a seat and make yourself comfortable."
Comfortable? She'll thought, Lady, my jaw joints are about to shatter from grinding my teeth. But aloud she just said "Thanks" and plopped into the low easy chair.
"What can I do to help you, Jill?" asked the counselor.
"Well, I got your name from my church pastor," Jill said. Then she cleared her throat. "But I don't know I've always felt sorry for kids who were adopted. It's as if their parents just threw them away when they were born. They never saw them and never knew who they looked like. But if my pastor's right about adoption being different now, I think it might be the best choice for my baby." Jill's voice cracked. "I don't want my baby growing up in a single-parent home like I did," she said and took a big gulp of air.
"OK, Jill," said the counselor as she scooted her chair forward and leaned toward her. "I'll give you an overview of what adoption involves and what support and assistance this agency can offer as you make plans for your baby's future.
"An open adoption gives you the opportunity to choose your baby's adoptive family. We show you resumes from families we feel could provide happy, loving, and stable home environments. Of course, these potential adoptive parents have been screened for criminal backgrounds and child abuse," the counselor explained.
"Can I meet the people?" Jill asked.
"Yes, you can decide if you want to meet them face-to-face. You will have the choice of how much contact and involvement you wish to maintain with the adoptive parents as your baby grows up and as you go on with your schooling, work and personal life plans. Our agency can act as intermediary for you to send and receive pictures and letters, or you may have direct contact with the adoptive parents, if that is what you choose.
"Once you child as an adult, he or she will have the option of reaching you through our agency. So you're bond with your child is never completely broken if you choose this loving and caring adoption option."
"OK, that's what I can decide," said Jill. "But what about the baby's father?"
"That's a good question, Jill," said the counselor, reaching for pamphlets behind her desk. "We do encourage the involvement of the birth father and birth grandparents in the adoption process. You will all have counselors and support groups available throughout your pregnancy and after the baby is placed. And you may all want to meet with others who have experienced open adoption. Here is some information for the birth father and birth grandparents."
"What if I change my mind and want to keep my baby?" asked Jill.
"We are here to help you with whatever decision you make, Jill. You can change your plans anytime during your pregnancy," said the counselor. "We provide you with information on pregnancy, adoption and parenting. We can give you referrals to doctors and arrange for housing and financial assistance."
"Do I have to pay for anything myself?" asked Jill as she tucked the tissue in her pocket.
"Medical fees, legal fees and living expenses are paid by the adoptive parents. We are not layers, but we can advise if your needs are being addressed. There is no financial cost to you for our services at this agency."
"What if I find a family on my own?" said Jill.
"Our agency can help you in that situation also, and there is still no cost to you for our services. Our goal is to help you plan for your future and for the future of your baby, whether you make a decision for single parenting or for open adoption, "said the counselor as she reached into her righthand desk drawer. "Here's a booklet for you, Jill, that outlines what we've been talking about."
I still don't know what to do, she thought. But the last bus comes in 10 minutes. "Well, I guess I need to think about all of this. It's a big decision and pretty scary." Jill hoisted herself out of the chair. "Thanks for the information and pamphlets."
"You're welcome, Jill," said to counselor, patting the girl's shoulder. "You've already chosen the loving decision to give your baby life, Jill, and I
feel that your child will be well loved whether you parent yourself or make an adoption plan.
"Call or stop by anytime. We're here to help you," said the counselor as she opened the door for Jill.
GETTING HELP IF YOU'RE SINGLE AND PREGNANT
Prenatal care and counseling are important to you and your baby. So get help or early. Objective professionals and is training to counselors can offer support during this stressful time.
Where to start:
Begin with an adult you trust: A parent, an older sibling, your minister, a school counselor, your doctor, a social worker or a psychologist. Ask for referrals to reputable agencies on adoption.
Ask the reference librarian at the local library for help in finding books on pregnancy and adoption and for local social service agencies' names and numbers.
Look in the Yellow Pages under "adoption" or "abortion alternatives."
What to look for in an agency:
1. Do they offer information and counseling on parenting and open adoption and abortion?
2. Is individual and group counseling available to you throughout your pregnancy and the adoption planning? Will they provide support during delivery and during the grieving period following the separation from your child?
3. Are counselors in groups available to support the birth father and birth grandparents?
4. Will be agency provide the same resources if you change your plans from adoption to parenting or if you find an adoptive family on your own?
5. Do they offer medical care, housing, transportation and other maternity-related expenses?
6. Will they act as liaison for future contact between you and the adoptive parents, and ultimately between you and your adult child?
The key factor in your choice of an agency is your comfort and assurance that you will have the support of the caring, non judgmental,professional staff and the necessary resources available no matter what your final plans are for your baby.
Original Article appeared in "Listen" magazine.
Copyright 1999 Nina Bryant
Pregnant? Adoption Is An Option
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