Positive Parenting: Understanding Ourselves
Positive Parenting: Understanding Ourselves
You've signed your daughter up for soccer, and she isn't showing any interest. She just stands there in the field, chatting with friends or picking at the grass, paying no attention to the game at all. You really wanted her to enjoy playing soccer, just like you did when you were young, but she just won't participate. Here's a great parenting tip for this moment. Stop and ask "Why is this so important to me?" Positive parenting involves understanding our own background, and taking the time to figure out whether it's really necessary to react in this way.Sometimes, parents need to pause for a moment and think about their own actions. It's not enough to understand what your child is thinking, and their motives for behaviour. You need to look deep inside yourself, at your thoughts and your motives.You may have loved playing soccer, but your daughter doesn't. Whatever the reason may be, she is just not interested in the game. Look deep inside, and ask why this soccer team is so important to you. Are you wanting your daughter to be more like you were as a child? What you really want is for your daughter to have fun, stay active, and build a sense of team play. So, talk to your daughter. Is there some other sport she might prefer, that would achieve the same thing? Perhaps she loves swimming, or basketball.Don't get hung up on what you did when you were little, and then project yourself and your background onto your child.Times are different. You are not like your parents, and in many ways, your child is not like you.It's critical to ask ourselves what is really important.Ask if it is really necessary for you to respond in this way, and think about what effect your reaction is having.It's entirely possible that the problem behaviour is not your child's, but yours.The goal of having you look at your own past and your own thought process is to help you put your child's behaviour in perspective. We want to teach our children how to make fair decisions, so we need to be clear that our decisions are also fair.There are times when our thinking is out-dated, especially when we're basing decisions on how we were raised. We use old-fashioned parenting techniques because that's how we were raised. While those parenting tips may have seemed right to our parents, there are some ideas that just don't work anymore. Positive parenting means understanding our children, and finding ways to teach them to be happy with who they are, and what they are doing. Try to understand yourself, and be ready to put that aside when you're deciding what's best for each child.
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