Peace Talks: 3 Communication Tips Men Can Use to Resolve a Relationship "War"

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Peace Talks: 3 Communication Tips Men Can Use to Resolve a Relationship "War"

By Otto Collins

Men: Do you ever feel like you're living in a war zone? Do arguments between you and your partner get set off easily? Is there often a cold silence and tension that makes it seem as if you and your woman are enemies?

Every couple is different. Some handle conflict by "having it out." Others tend to hold back their true feelings and try to find a way to more quietly work through the difficult moment.
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There is not one "right" way to communicate and resolve a disagreement in your love relationship or marriage.

Yelling and screaming at each other is not conducive to creating a loving, respectful and trusting relationship. At the same time, stuffing down how you really feel will only breed resentment and disconnection.

There has got to be a way to keep your relationship together and work as a team to find solutions, even when it seems as if you two are on "different sides."

In fact, there are many ways that this can be done.

A first and vital step toward ending the relationship "war" that might be raging between you and your woman is to make a conscious effort to communicate about the issue or conflict differently.

Setting an intention to communicate more honestly and openly and then following through and doing it can make a huge, positive difference.

Here are 3 communication tips that can also help...

#1: Get calm and clear.

As you might already know, you really can't effectively speak with your partner (or anyone else) about a disagreement or difficult topic when you are all worked up. If you are so angry you feel like throwing things, for example, this is NOT the time to try to communicate about it with your partner.

Let her know that you need some time. If this is a pressing matter, giving yourself even 10 or 15 minutes to calm down can be beneficial to all involved-- especially you.

Give yourself some space to let your emotions out in ways that don't hurt you or anyone else. Remember to breathe deeply and slowly. For the moment, set aside the thoughts you are having about what happened, what could happen and what you want and focus in on feeling what you are feeling.

As you calm down a bit, clarify to yourself what your priorities are. What is your biggest concern regarding this issue? What do you most want to happen?

You might also ask yourself how important keeping the connection with your woman close really is to you. Is there room for you two to stay close AND reach a solution that you can be happy with too?

The answer to this last question may be one you just don't know right now. Inviting yourself to include re-connecting with your woman as one of your priorities, if it truly is one, can pave the way for that to actually occur.

#2: Choose your words with care.

When I suggest that you choose your words with care, here's what I DON'T mean: I don't mean that you merely agree to what your woman wants so that some semblance of peace can return. I don't mean that you bite back what you really think because you don't want her to get even angrier with you.

You can choose your words carefully and be honest and real about what you want and how you feel.

One way to do this is to talk with her about how YOU feel and how YOU experienced a specific event. When you resist the urge to assume that you hold the only "right" position in this conflict, you open the door to effective peace talks.

When you avoid words such as "You always," "You never" and other similar phrases, you open the door to you two working together and moving closer together too. Be specific, avoid generalizing statements and talk about how you feel and your own perspective.

#3: Stay open.

When you communicate with your woman, make sure to allow time for both of you to say what you need to say.

If interrupting has been a problem for you two in the past, come up with some communication "rules" that will set into place a clear code of conduct. The same thing can be done if you and your partner have had a tendency to yell at or insult one another.
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Before either of you begins to talk about the disagreement, be sure that you both know that it's not okay to disrespect or be violent toward one another. These behaviors will not allow you to move past the stuck and painful place you are.

When your woman speaks, make sure you are really listening to her. You can listen even if you don't agree. You can try to understand her point of view even as you maintain your own-- different-- viewpoint.

Stay open to her. As you listen from this clear and calm place, you can more easily see the places of overlap between what she wants and what you want.

These places of overlap are where the possible solutions lie. This is the key to peaceful communication.

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