My Divorce and Separation - and why Ireland is different
My Divorce and Separation - and why Ireland is different
Some of us know what it's like when a friendship breaks up, but not all of us know what it's like when a marriage ends. Take the pain and grief you felt when youbroke upwith your first real love, and multiply it 100 times. You may think that just because you've gotolder, it should be easier to deal with - but you know what? It's not. Love can't be measured like maths or numbers - it weakens and grows with time, oftentimes being unbearingly over-powering, and other times beinghardly noticeable.
So how is it affected when a marriage comes to an end? Well, tostart, it doesn't just disappear - you will always have had those emotions for the person, they just might not come across in the exact same way. Is it possible to fall out of love? Sure, but that doesn't make handling the pain of a broken relationship any easier to deal with. In a marriage situation, one has the added problems of solicitors, money, children, legal aid, and all else that comes under the umbrella of divorce and separation.
A good place for like minded people to discuss their situations is http://www.mydivorceseparation.com/ - you can seek help and advice, and even help others with the benefit of your experiences.
This is when you discover who your real friends are. We know what it's like when, once we were invited as a pair to a party, but now for some reason, all those invitations we used to get together have disappeared. Aswell, the other person's friends are not 'your' friends any more, all acquaintances seem go for one side, and each set of friends that you knew in advance of the marriage, now place their loyalty with that person. Don't forget the children, who are heartbroken and torn between both parents. Shockingly, they sometimes unconsciously feel pressure to take one side between the fighting parents. This is an extreme nightmare for a child who just cherishes a kiss and a nighttime story, and wants everything to be 'the way it used to be before all this'.
But we realise things cannotgo backto the way they were before. All we can do istry toease the changeover. Friends and family are of themost importance, but a more vitalhelp can be those who have already been in the same situation, and because of thatcan bebetter placed to empathise with your predicament.Many of us havebeen there,during the middle of the night - you can't sleep, everything isbuzzing around your head. You wake up more exhausted than when you first went to sleep.
Ireland is very different as Divorcejust became legal in the mid 1990s, andso is a fairly new phenomenon. The Catholic Church still has a disproportionate influence, and its opposition to divorce may well have affectedstatistics over the years.
At timeslike these it's beneficial tosee how others have dealt with the break-up, and to remember that there IS always light at the end of the tunnel. There arelots ofwebsites for people going throughthe samesituations. Like-mindedindividuals can share their experiences on these, they can look for posts whichwill help them with the situation they find themselves in, or they can ask for advice anonymously. Thay can even just browse and see how others are coming to terms with their own situations.
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