Losing Your Temper Teaches Your Child Nothing
If you are wondering where your daughter got her Oscars-worthy back talk
, remember that you both have lived under the same roof for the longest time. And during those years, she was able to pick up a few things here and there about you and the things that make you tick. Children are very adaptive and observant to their environment. While growing up, they learned how and what buttons to push.Most parents try to avoid losing their temper and they try as much as they can to control their emotions. However, many parents, especially new ones, are not able to manage their emotions well, either occasionally or chronically. So if you are a mother who struggles with keeping your emotions in check, you are not alone.
Losing your temper can result to a lot of awful and violent things such as yelling at them, calling them names, slamming things in front of them, resorting to bigger consequences than needed, and exempting them from their basic needs like missing dinner as a form of punishment.
Parents wage war against their children almost all the time over almost anything such as, for younger kids, enforcing bedtime, getting dressed, eating vegetables, not following instructions or sticking with rules, or being verbally disrespectful. For older children, the cause of the issues become more focused on socializing, performing outside of the house, doing chores and assignments, being dishonest, and lying.
Parents usually get angry with their kids because sometimes, they get tangled in power struggles with their children. And no matter how young or how old your child is, the moment you get yourself in that setup, your emotions will get more complicated and you will find it more difficult to free yourself from it.
If getting angry and losing temper help make children more equipped and productive, then perhaps parenting will not be as hard. Parents would then have to simply wait until their children gets into their nerves, yell at them, and in a snap, their children grow up changed and mature.
However, losing your temper and getting personal simply does not work. It is plain ineffective because the original problem is forgotten in the heat of the argument, and remains unsolved after all is said and done. Instead of your child learning the essential problem solving skill, what he gets are the power thrusts that you give.
Look at it this way: if you have problems with your child's behavior and all you do is pound them with bigger hammers, your kids are going to develop bigger nails. You have to understand that learning how to solve problems and manage emotions is the primary task of childhood. And if you do not teach that to your child, it would be hard for other people, even a therapist, to pick up the pieces.
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