How To Improve Marital Communication By Simply Using "the Honey Jar"

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Is your relationship lacking the romance that you are yearning for

? There are some simple things you can do today to revitalize the energy and intimacy of your relationship.

Are the two of you drifting apart? Is your marriage lifeless? Is it on automatic pilot. Don't resign yourself to the idea that it's "normal" to not have anything to talk about, or that it was only a matter of time before you stopped having fun together. You can rekindle the spark.

Structured and semi-structured communication exercises can be the vehicle for the desired changes in your marriage. Negative feelings like boredom, and negative perceptions, like believing that you are being taken for granted, creates a climate where marital difficulties are more likely to arise.

We have all heard about the ounce of prevention that is much better than the pound of "cure". Your relationship can be revitaized by improving your communication. Good communication can go a long way to restoring your positive feelings about each other. When you step up your communication efforts, your sense of partnership can be restored. Interest in each other can increase?all of which can go a long way in preventing marital discord, infidelity, and dissolution.
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Just about anyone can benefit from improving his/her ability to listen? The need to feel "heard" and "understood" can feed that self-reinforcing pattern of circular arguing and fighting. Compulsive attempts to be understood pretty much eliminates your ability to listen to the other person. The harder one tries to engage the other, the worse the communication actually gets. The longer this process continues, the more likely the result will be that they will not be heard and will not feel understood.

A structured or semi-structured communication exercise, like "The Honey Jar", can reduce some of the anxiety or awkwardness about changing up an interaction pattern. A communication exercise that uses neutral items makes it less stressful or threatening. With neutral topics, you don't feel pressured into bringing up "touchy" subjects. You can practice "risking" in a non-threatening way. Setting aside a regular time for communication and not allowing anything to take priority above it, makes it a "sacred time". Use of a "sacred time" creates a habit. A habit of sustained effort to communicate leads to improvement. Start communicating again today by using The Honey Jar.

The Honey Jar is a conversation starter for couples. It consists of sentence stems, printed individually on cards, that are randomly selected for conversation. A wide range of subjects is covered by these sentence stems. Partners can talk about themselves and the relationship in ways that feel less risky or less threatening.

Copyright (c) 2009 Peggy L. Ferguson, Ph.D.

by: Peggy Ferguson

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