Christian Women's Divorce Advice
Christian Women's Divorce Advice
On November 11th, 2010 (my 34th birthday) my husband, a local police officer, decided to go on a rampage of verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and so forth before he sat me down and said, "When you love somebody you have to do what's best for them and I know that you can do so much better than me." Thus, happy birthday, I want a divorce.
Ouch.
After two months of trying to reconcile with him and trusting God to change his heart...I realized that I really did not want him back. I even prayed, "God, please do NOT bring this man back to me unless YOU have him." During our seperation, his true character was exposed and it was nothing like who he portrayed himself to be while we were courting. I was married to a man who was the exact opposite of my boyfriend and even fiance. It was a nightmare. Yet, deep in my heart I knew that there had to be a good person, a broken person, deep down inside of his heart afraid to come out. In fact, I still believe that deep within his hardened heart, there is a sad, lonely, and scared little boy who's afraid to really trust, be genuine, or even love because of all the regret and guilt he carries from now two previous marriages and hurt he has hidden for years. Thus, even though I do not want to be married to him, I still want there to be freedom for him and for him to know Christ. It's good to be walking away from an abusive relationship without a hardened heart or fear of the future. That's what I want for all of you ladies reading this article.
So, here's some practical advice that helped me out tremendously from November of 2010 to February 2011. I took this advice, and it made all the difference in the world. In fact, I'm working on a manuscript that is nothing but glorifying God for all the ways he favored, blessed, protected, and comforted me during this really dark trial and how I'm free now in such a short matter of time. To sum it up, here is some encouragment:
Be very selective with who you get counsel from and let your ex do all the gossiping, spreading rumors, bad-mouthing, and blasting to the world that the two of you are getting a divorce.
Don't be surprised when friends start calling wanting information out of you after they talk to him. Don't say anything that isn't a fact. Let him run his mouth with twisted truths and flat-out lies, because he won't be able to keep his stories straight for long. Watch and see. Then, don't be surprised when the same friends call you with the truth figured out just by watching your behavior and listening to and watching his.
Hang onto your integrity at all costs.
Don't even think about begging him to come back. You don't want to be with a person who feels guilted into being with you. You want to be with a person who wants you because he has respect for you. I offered reconciliation with stipulations (marriage counseling), but that was the extent of it. Don't grovel. You're worth so much more than that.
Remember this, what others think about you is none of your business. The only thing that matters is what our Father thinks of us and how we feel about ourselves.
Let Jesus handle everything! He will work out all the details, I promise. You don't have to control or try to manipulate anything.
You don't need to know what's going on with your ex, because then you're focusing on him instead of God. Focus on God. You and God. If God wants you to know for some reason, then one of his friends, family members, or coworkers will definitely call you. God will prompt someone to protect you. God will protect you. I promise. He protected me from a very angry and abusive cop.
Get yourself involved in a support group or find a walking partner asap to meet with every week. They will help you stay faithful to your vows even if you ex isn't. Remember, you made a committment not only with your spouse but with the LORD. Don't break it. Let him do all the work. The Lord will let you know when you're free. You can feel it.
Journal every single day what happened that day, what you're thankful for, what you're hurting over even if it's silly. (For example: I realized that I was hurting because I never grieved the fact that the man I married was not my fiance. I always hoped he would come back, and he never did. So, while living with my husband -who looked identical to my fiance- I never really grieved the fact that the guy I really loved was gone). I know that might sound silly but at least it's out of my heart.
Your goal is to walk out of this wilderness with integrity, strength, and an even closer walk with Christ. That's it. That's your goal.
Remember, God is in control. Not you, not your husband, but God. He will not allow the devil to do anything to you that God cannot use for a greater purpose. I felt like I was getting hit by tidal waves from Hell, but everything was always covered that day. God is our ultimate Parent, and He is amazingly loving and protective over His chosen children.
I pray that your marriage will end in beautiful reconciliation. I pray that your marriage will be restored and greater than you could have ever imagined. That is my prayer for you, Sisters. My marriage was not restored, but I am fully convinced that God allowed that for a wonderful and beautiful reason. He will not let anyone's pain or suffering be for nothing, because He can flip every horrible situation upside down, inside out, lift you out of it showered with blessings, and get all kinds of glory out of it Himself. Our Daddy is much more intelligent than the devil. I love you all and highly encourage you to keep your eyes on Christ. Again, let Him work out the details. He is more than capable of doing whatever He pleases and what pleases Him is best for you.
I'll write more in later articles. I just wanted to get this information out there and available to you. It's a jump start. I will write more articles laced with all kinds of amazing scripture that will break all kinds of strongholds and/or footholds that the enemy is trying to drag you down with. Love you, Sisters!
Suzy
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