Child Tantrums Can Be Overcome
Almost all kids have temper tantrums. Almost all parents have times when they do not know what to do about their child's temper tantrums. Believe it or not, there are some common sense strategies that can help you and your child survive them.
The other day my two year-old decided she was not, under any circumstances, going to leave the park when it was time to go home. She got that defiant look on her face and walked away from me. I tried to reason with her, but reasoning with a two year-old is akin to reasoning with a drunk person -- it's just not going to happen. I was tired and my other children wanted to go home, so my mind started racing through all the parenting information I had ever read on dealing with this type of situation, in a public setting. Here are a few things I did and a few things I could've tried as well:
Give a warning: How would you like to be sitting at your place of work, engrossed in a project, and have somebody come up and, without warning, pull you out of your chair and tell you it was time to go somewhere else? It's safe to say you would strongly object to this, and so do our children. To them, the pile of sticks they are gathering is as important of a project as whatever you do at work. It is their work. Therefore, as parents, we could save ourselves, and them, a lot of frustration and anger if we will give them a five-minute warning before it is time to go somewhere else or do something else. By simply telling them they have "five minutes", it allows them to start making the mental transition to the next thing. They can start winding down their activity or go down the slide "just one more time" before it's time to go. Then, when it is time to go, they'll be much more willing to go, which should reduce some of their frustration.
Give a choice: Everyone likes to have choices in their lives. It gives you a feeling of control over your life. Kids are the same way. Any place where you can give them a choice will usually help. However, clearly wording the choice so that it reflects the outcome you desire is the trick. For example, my two year-old does not like to sit in her car seat, but the rules are clear on this -- she must be in that seat. Instead of wrestling her into the car seat every time we go somewhere, I simply offer her a choice. I say, "Abby, either you can get in your seat, or I can put you in your seat." As soon as I say that, she opts for getting into her seat because she is doing it by herself. And, as you can see, it did not really matter of which option she chose because I was still getting the outcome I desired.
However, don't let the choices themselves become battles. For example, sometimes my four year-old does not want to get dressed. He would rather lounge around in his pajamas even though it's time for us to be going. Instead of threatening to donate his clothes to other, less fortunate, kids, I will offer him the same type of choice as above -- either he can get dressed or I will get him dressed. Of course he'll want to get himself dressed, and he'll say so, but then he proceeds not to do it. That's when, after I offer the choice, I let him know there is a time limit of three seconds to start getting himself dressed or he will lose the choice and I will do it for him. Usually it only takes one or two times of me getting him dressed for him to get the point that when he is offered a choice, he had better get into action or his choice will be taken away.
Be aware of time and circumstance: If your child is constantly having tantrums right before dinner, take some time to reflect as to why this might be happening. Are they extra hungry and need a little snack? Are they tired from the day and need a few minutes of quiet time to calm down? Learning your child's cues are important in heading off problem times. You can have a few nutritious snacks ready for her to nibble on while you're making dinner. Or, as you get home your child can go straight to their room for a while and play with their toys before sitting down for dinner.
Relax and know that you're not alone: Your child is more than likely going to have some sort of tantrum at some point in his or her life. And, if you're lucky enough like I was, it will be in a park in front of all sorts of people. More than likely, everyone around you will be smiling to themselves in understanding and reflecting on their own similar experiences. Parenthood is not perfect and neither are our kids. They have emotions and opinions which are sometimes at odds with our own. Take a deep breath, apply some of the above techniques, and realize that this, too, shall pass.
Child Tantrums Can Be Overcome
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