Caring for Children
Caring for Children
"If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves." -C.G. Jung, Integration of the Personality
'Children who do not get what they deserve become the people that no society deserves, and no individual deserves to be.' -Alice Miller
I found a scattered gazette for children which reminded me that this month is Children's Month and It occurred to me that I haven't written anything about children yet. And I felt somewhat guilty. I also wondered about my attitude towards them -I like them but I get harsh when ever one is irritating. I thought maybe because I grew up the oldest with many 'bothersome' siblings. Others might even see me as abusive. Is my attitude normal or natural? In her article Diagnosing Behavior Deviations in Children, Purple Doodles wrote: 'Deviation is a departure from the path of normality. But care should be taken to not confuse normal behavior with natural behavior'.
The Problem Child
According to the Encarta online dictionary, a problem child is "a child who requires a disproportionate amount of attention or correction." Do you agree with that? Are the children really the problem or is our view of children is what's wrong? Here's an excellent question from Tamara Parnay: 'Why, then, is there a "problem child" but not a "problem parent'? She has a 'light-hearted questionnaire designed to help readers decide whether or not they might want to consider a "problem parent" label for themselves' here:
http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/tamara_parnay2.html
Punishing Children
Is child punishment right or wrong? This is one of the issues that continues to be controversial. Which is better? A child who turned out as an OK adult because he grew up with punishment or one who turned out OK because he grew up without punishment? I think this view of Dr. James Kimmel of what punishment is worth noting: 'A person hurting another as a result of a temporary loss of emotional control is not punishment. Such behavior is a different form of violence. Punishment is a deliberate, controlled act with a conscious purpose. It is, of course, a terrible, troublesome, and dangerous fact that, in our society, parental loss of control, accompanied by physical and verbal abuse of children, is tolerated... I also find it incredible that parents, and many authorities in the areas of mental and physical health, child development, and human morality, cannot see that by hurting children, we are teaching them that it is moral and right to hurt other human beings.' (from Why Do We Hurt Our Children?)
The Oldest Child Syndrome
Some people think that being the oldest child is advantageous period. I'm the oldest of the siblings and I can tell you that that's not always the case. Not when you have too many siblings and should sacrifice for them. Oldest children are almost always forced to be responsible for anything that goes wrong with the siblings when parents aren't present. This can often send the wrong message that oldest children need to be perfect at all times. And that is the unreasonable expectation for any child that could lead to bigger problems later on in life.
Just the other day (November 1), I heard a girl saying -in obvious exasperation to her siblings -'Die all of you! Take poison!'. And she's already 14. How come she said that? They were living as squatters in one room without a private toilet. The girl is the oldest with five siblings -obvious products of irresponsible parents.
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