Build Rapport By Respecting Your Child's Model Of The World
We have often heard parents say words like "I just cannot get through their thick skull
. Why won't they listen to me?"Highly effective parents are able to get their children to listen and cooperate with them because they have a strong level of rapport with them. Only when your kids feel that they can trust you and that you understand them, will they be more willing to listen and cooperate.
The challenge that many parents face is that they have a poorlevel of rapport with their own kids. These kids feel that their parents don't understand how they feel nor do their parents understand the problems they (teenagers) experience.
At the same time, they do not have the confidence that they can share their innermost thoughts and feelings with their parents --without being criticized, judged and reprimanded.
This is why troubled teens tend to clam up and give 'one-word' responses when their parents ask them questions. At the same time, they may become indifferent to our ideas and attempts to advice. Or worse, they become openly defiant and challenge our opinions and values.
The danger is when teens find it hard to communicate with their parents and turn to another 'party' who they feel will really listen to them and so they confide in....their friends. This is why teens easily fall prey to the negative influences of 'bad' company and would rather listen to the so-called 'loafers or losers' than their own parents.
If we want our children to open up to us, and listen to us willingly, then we must first build rapport with them. When they feel that they can trust us and that we truly understand them, we can influence them to do anything!
They will be much more open and willing to listen to our ideas and advice. Th e secret to building rapport with our children (this can be applied to anyone) is to 'Respect their Model of Th e World'. We need to first understand and acknowledge their views and feelings.
At first, some parents find this paradigm very hard to swallow. Why should I respect their model of the world? I'm the parent! They should see things my way.
Well no doubt you can force them to sit down and listen to you - when they are young enough. But the fact is that if you don't first respect their world, your words will never get through to them and they will never be self-motivated to do as you say!
You can choose to force your ideas and perspectives on your teen or work around it so that both you and your child will be happy with the outcome.
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