Alleviate Tension In A Strained Marriage
Just yesterday, I was on the phone with one of my older brothers and was dismayed
to hear him unburden himself about the problems he is experiencing in his marriage. While I won't pass on some of the details, it can be said that he was worried that he might be headed for divorce, even over some relatively minor problems, and this was certainly taking its toll on him.Every romantic relationship has its fair share of stress and strain, and there are, of course, some issues that just cannot be remedied. But it can be even more important to recognize that couples go through phases and rough patches which can be overcome if you're willing to stick it out. And that's what marriage is about, after all. Let me give you some advice to help you pull through.
First off, really ask yourself about the problem. Many of us want to frame relationship troubles as an issue with the other person when we truly can do something to fix them.
For example, many couples begin bickering because one is apparently nagging. While nagging can be an irritating behavior, you need to realize that it is equally annoying when you don't rinse out the sink after you brush your teeth or when you throw your socks on the floor instead of in the hamper.
So, if you have to, put up post-it notes in plain sight that remind you to do the things your partner would like you to do. Let them know you will make a more conscious effort in the future, and hopefully things will improve.
If they don't, there may be an underlying problem. You may want to sit down and ask if there is, and be prepared to resolve it with counseling if need be.
Sometimes tension can arise from simply spending too much time together, so take a break! Call up your pals and indulge in your favorite hobby. But I do warn to do something innocent and sober. Both men and women in a troubled marriage have found themselves in a situation they later regretted after they went to a bar to drown their troubles.
Instead, do something relaxing and still productive--go fishing, bowling, kayaking, camping, or shooting. Start a basketball tournament. Do something that will make you come home feeling as though you accomplished something.
Make arrangements for your wife to do the same. Call a babysitter so that she can go to her yoga class or make her an appointment for a massage at the local day spa. When you come home at the end of the day, you will be much more likely to be happy to see each other.
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