Caring For The Needs Of Children In Divorce
While going through a difficult separation and divorce can be hard on the two primary
parties involved, it can be especially difficult for young children. In many situations, a childs sense of security and even of reality is bound up in the integrity of the family unit, even if there has been enormous struggle and tensions within the family for years. Divorce tears apart the fundamental unity in which children feel secure and is a frightening experience with intense, life changing ramifications both emotionally and psychologically in developing kids.
One divorce attorney in Illinois recommends that her clients encourage their children to communicate, both in one-on-one conversations between the parent and children, and collectively. "Allow them to express their feelings in a safe environment, even if they show hostility toward you," she says. "They need the opportunity to get their feelings out there just like you do. Self-expression is part of the healing process."
Since the family unit is the place where children feel the sense of stability and security that they need to learn and grow, once that is broken, it is important to find a safe replacement, as well. Extended family, church, and close friends can all begin to fill in the gaps to provide a social safety net in which children will again begin to feel a sense of security. Though it will feel differently than what they are used to, it will hopefully perform the same kind of function. Children should have no part of a hostile environment, discussion regarding hostile court proceedings, badmouthing the other parent, or any kind of continuing arguments or fighting. The legalities of the divorce process should remain strictly between the parent and his or her divorce attorney in Illinois.
"One of the best things that any parent can do," says a divorce attorney in Illinois, "is to be stable yourself. Seek stability. This certainly helps in divorce proceedings, but it is also extremely important for the sake of your kids."
Part of stability and behavior that courts generally reward are parents who keep the best interest of their children in mind, rather than putting their own first. Narcissistic parenting is extremely damaging to kids. But being stable will provide children with strength to rely on. Becoming stable may mean seeking counseling or therapy to learn coping skills, as well as discovering new and healthy ways to parent, as well. Divorce causes intense stress and anxiety, which you cannot hide from your children (it will come out when you do not expect it), so it is important to treat your relationship to your kids as important, and seek help from outside sources, including the guidance of a compassionate Illinois divorce attorney if you need it.
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