Aggressive Behaviour In Children.
Children go through several stages in their journey to adulthood.There is so much for them to learn
. The world is big and scary to a child and they need love and support from the main people in their lives.There are no manuals which let you produce the perfectly behaved child. They will face many difficulties so it is up to us, as adults, to guide them in the right direction. Children provide many challenges for their parents.
One particular challenge is when they behave aggressively. It sure is mortifying when they kick, scratch, bite or hit other children or adults. It can cause doubt in our minds as to whether we are bad parents. One fear is what others think of us as parents. However, when it becomes more frequent and aggressive, it is time for action.
Firstly, you must try and locate the underlying causes of this aggression. Once you have located the cause, then the problem behaviour should be much easier to deal with.
2-year olds find it hard to communicate their needs to their parents, so can react aggressively to try and get their point across. Hence the saying -"the terrible twos".This would be a good age to stop this behaviour and channel their energy into more acceptable forms of communication. As they become older, it will take far more effort to stop their aggressive behaviour as it could have become a habit which is harder to break.
Aggressive behaviour may be displayed when:
* they become frustrated and angry.
* they might be in a stressful situation.
* they don't have a routine.
* they have become over stimulated.
* they are tired or exhausted.
* they are feeling threatened and acting in self-defence.
* there is a lack of adult supervision.
* their speech hasn't developed sufficiently.
* they could be mimicking the behaviour of others.
Recognising the Triggers of Aggressive Behaviour.
Try and narrow down where and when this happens and to whom this aggressive behaviour is displayed. Is it only at home or is it when you are visiting or playing with others?
Is your child over-excited, angy or frustrated? Observe their movements and interactions with other children or adults.
Is their aggression displayed as oral abuse, physical abuse or both? See if you can find a pattern of behaviour.
Once you have located the trigger/s it's time to step in and stop the unacceptable behaviour.
Dealing with Aggressive Behaviour.
==> Step In early
It is really crucial that you step in as soon as you see signs of aggression and stop it without delay. Your child needs to realise that there is a consequence for all behaviours, whether good or bad.
At the first sign that your child behaves aggressively, quietly take him/her aside and speak solemnly and evenly.
Don't make a big deal of it. Simle instructions, such as, ' we don't hit anyone else', is enough for a young child to understand. Don't give them too much attention either. Simply make a calm statement, and then ignore them and turn back to the victim to console them. This will give a message to your child that he will not be getting your attention in any way,
either positive or negative. If you cannot calm your child, remove him/her from the situation completely. Don't get angry.
Don't insist on immediate apology. Wait until you have had a calm discussion before the apology is insisted upon.
==> Use your voice
It is really hard, I know, to control the urge to yell. It is important, though, not to raise your voice when dealing with aggressive behaviour. You need to use a gentle, firm voice if you want to demonstrate to your child that problems don't have to be resolved by yelling and screaming.If he/she hears you using a quiet, calm voice, they are likely to calm down
faster. Of course, you need to praise them up for calming down by themselves, but repeat what they have done wrong and tell them the consequences. eg. "Good girl for calming down. Now, we don't kick. You kicked Aaron and now he is sad.If you kick him again, we will be leaving".
==> Defuse their anger.
Tell your child that it is OK to be angry but we don't hit, scratch, scream or bite. Tell them that when you get angry, you leave the room until you calm down, count slowly to 10, or take slow, deep breaths.
It is crucial for them to recognise the emotion and state it aloud, but then they need to choose an alternate method of dealing with it. In a social situation, they might not be able to leave completely, but you can teach them to move away from the others for a while until they stop feeling so irritated and can play calmly again. Remember to repeat the
instruction, "We don't kick, and if it happens again, we are all leaving".
==> Teach them that Aggressive Behaviour is wrong.
Simple, clear statements are sufficient for younger children. You need to repeat the phrases constantly - especially in normal everyday situations. Don't wait until aggression happens.
You must be consistent. There must always be a consequence for aggressive behaviour like a time-out space at home or maybe in the car if you are out. As your child becomes older they will experiment to see what happens if they continue to be aggressive. It is up to you to be consistent with the consequences.
If they are having problems with their peers, they need to learn to say 'No,' or 'Stop'. 'Stop it, I don't like it', is a good one.They need to be able to let the other children know that they are upset without hitting or punching.
==> Praise, Praise, Praise.
It is so important for you to praise your child's efforts in controlling their aggressive behaviour. When you see them practising the strategies you have taught them, praise them for using their words to solve a problem. If they forget, and revert to violence again, stop them, remind them and put the consequences in place. Remember - keep calm !
Please don't -
* Expose them to violent shows or movies.This does not help in demonstrating acceptable behaviour.
* Bite or hit back. Again, this will exacerbate the problem
* Personalise their behaviour. It is not a reflection on you. Focus on helping them to overcome the problem.
Please contact their doctor if they persistently display aggressive behaviour which is affecting their daily routines, friendships or learning. There might be an underlying problem which needs professional care.
It might seem extremely hard at times. Children are a challenge. It is possible to teach your child acceptable strategies for dealing with anger.
You need to have a clear plan, be consistent and remain calm.
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