You're Not the Boss of Me - How To Brat-Proof Your Child
You're Not the Boss of Me - How To Brat-Proof Your Child
Betsy Brown Braun's second parenting book, You're Not the Boss of Me, has just hit bookstores and it's terrific. I met Betsy at a book party last week and have been devouring the advice in her book ever since. I'm also a huge fan of Just Tell Me What to Say, her first book, which was geared towards younger children. The reason I love Betsy's books so much is that not only does she have wonderful practical advice, but her writing style is so clear and also quite amusing. Each chapter is so accessible that reading her books is a pleasure. Plus, because they are so well organized, I know I can quickly refer back to them when a particular issue comes up with my kids.
You're Not The Boss of Me, covers a wide variety of topics and issues centered around helping parents raise the kind of children we all strive for: honest, self reliant, respectful, unspoiled, empathetic individuals. But again, it is one thing to desire these traits for your child, and it another to master the techniques that will encourage these traits to grow. That's where Betsy's advice comes in.
Take for example, this one section from Chapter Five in the book, aptly titled: "No, You Go to Your Room!" Although I am sure that all of you reading this have children that NEVER talk back I found this chapter exceedingly helpful. The chapter discusses strategies for handling back talk.
When children talk back Betsy's advice is:
-Don't take it personally. (Which I do!) Betsy explains that the child is "shedding feelings" and trying to lay them on you. Don't take the bait.
-Back talk in fueled by your response. (It really is! Everything just escalates when I take the bait.)
-Save your anger; do not engage. (I am going to try this, because my anger clearly makes everything worse.)
-Put some distance between you two. (Usually, I send my kids to their rooms, and then they don't want to go and it becomes a big fight, making matters worse and they talk back more!) But Betsy suggests that the parent walk away instead, and not give the back talk all the attention.
-If you must say something , Betsy suggests the following: "I don't speak to you that way and I won't listen when you speak that way to me." (Doesn't that sound mature and calm, and authoritative? I need to try that.)
"I hate you!" is okay.
I become so upset when the kids tell me they hate me. But here again, Betsy's advice makes so much sense. She stresses that as parents we need to convey that we understand our child's anger and that our relationship is so strong that it can withstand his or her expressions of anger. After "their fury has subsided" here's what she recommends saying to them: "I know you were really angry at me when you said, I hate you.' Next time when you feel that way, let's talk about it and I will try to help you with your feelings."
I can't wait to try out these strategies with my kids.
How often do you pick up a parenting book filled with so many practical tips and scripts that you feel you that if you implement them you will genuinely become a better parent? I firmly believe that after reading Betsy's books we will be.
You're Not the Boss of Me
Recommended books:
How to Improve Your Childs Behavior
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