What Distracts You From Realizing Your Personal Dream?
Whenever I am coaching someone, we come to this place in the coaching
. It's the spot where people doubt themselves. They question whether they can manifest what they want and they get side tracked into doing just about everything and anything, other than working on their vision. This squirmy behaviour is predictable, and it is nasty.Clients start to get slippery in and around the same place in the coaching process. They visualize what they want; use creative techniques to articulate it; define their values, and then...whamo! As soon as they start to implement, their personal hooks rear their ugly head, and doubt creeps in.
Of course, whenever this happens, I can relate. It happens to me too. Every time I try to take a leap towards my dream, I hit this same predictable pattern. I take a step towards my dream and then, "Bam!" I think that I SHOULD or MUST or OUGHT TO behave a certain way. These teeny-tiny painful sharp hooks burrow into my skin, and try to pull me down a respectable, but unfulfilling, path.
If you want to create the life you want - and I mean really do it this time - you need to know your hooks. These are the predictable derailers that slow your progress and suck the life out of you. They probably sound rational (maybe like your mom or dad, or great Aunt Bess), but they are not the voice of reason. Your hooks will drag you down.
To get to know your hooks, start by thinking about a time (or two, or three, or four) where you were going down a fulfilling path, and you got side tracked. What the heck happened? What hooked you? Why did you go down the darker road? If you look at a few different situations, you will see a pattern (trust me, its there).
Here are the most common hooks that I see in my executive coaching practice:
- People pleasers. This used to be a hook for me. Thankfully, no longer. Basically, it involves trying to please other people and making choices based on what you think other people want or expect from you. Speaking from experience, this one is not pleasant. You make choices because you think you SHOULD do something. End result? Highly respectable and miserable person.
- Approval Seekers. This one is a bit different from people pleasing, but there is usually a close relationship. Here, you want to avoid criticism. You play it safe because you want to avoid being rejected by someone or something. If you are doing what you love, do you really care if people reject you? Who are these people anyway?
- Fear of Conflict - I think someone somewhere called this an Emotion-Phobic. It basically means that you want to avoid anger, conflict, and confrontation at any cost. Better play it safe and not upset anyone. The problem with this hook is you end up upsetting yourself!
- It's such a great opportunity! - This is another one of mine. In simple terms it is the "can't say no" syndrome, or "let me see if can do more in the next ten minutes then most people try to accomplish in a life time." Here, just the idea of missing out on an opportunity hooks you. The downside? If you say yes to every opportunity that comes your way, you are probably going to be fat, stressed, and joyless.
- "I have no needs" - This hook is also called the "vanishing self." The reason you don't create what you want is because you are so busy doing things for other people and accommodating them, that you have totally lost touch with your own needs. This hook is elusive, tricky to find on the body, and it is usually tied to some jerk in the past who told you that your opinion doesn't matter.
- I don't trust myself - Of course support is key to any good implementation plan, but people with this hook don't trust their own judgment. They tend to ask other people for their input, and they feel anxious about their ability to read a situation and make a call about what to do. They don't take steps towards their vision because they don't trust themselves.
- It's all luck anyway - This hook is the one that leaves you thinking that anything you could, or would do, wont' work. You somehow think that the people who are doing what they want, are just lucky. If you attribute success to luck, you can get away with eating French fries, and watching TV , because nothing you do matters anyway.
So, the moral of the story? Know your hooks! If you can recognize what hooks you, you can catch yourself before going down the same predictable path of destruction. You can develop a SWOT team to help you take that hook out as soon as you feel a little prick of pain and you can get yourself back on track.
Copyright (c) 2010 Natalie Michael
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