Parenting Children: 7 Ways to Fail At Parenting
Parenting Children: 7 Ways to Fail At Parenting
Parenting! What better way to perpetuate our finer qualities than to produce little people with our genes written all over them?
Get it halfway right and you could have dozens of little namesakes wandering around, making the world safe for democracy. Fame, glory, and your surname engraved on a star in Hollywood can all be yours if you dare to go that extra step.
Sounds fantastic right?
It is actually.
But what about those of us who would rather go quietly, quietly into the night? How can we make sure we will never be accused of raising children who think of others before themselves yes, those nerdy little types that actuallyopen the door for the person behind them on their way into their local Woolworth?
Well folks, I have just the thing for you. Because parenting is such a weighty responsibility, you'll have lots of opportunities to ensure that the arrival of your children at any public or private venue sends whole crowds of startled citizens rushing out the door.
So get a pen and paper, and get ready to take notes: follow this method properly and you'll be almostguaranteed a book gone viral and an interview with the Wall Street Journal.
1. Be as timid as humanly possible
Why make waves with the little people when you can make friends and influence people with the dishrag approach to life? Save yourself valuable time and energy by giving in right away, especially when you have the convoluted notion that you are correct.
Next time your seven year old complains about his penmanship homework, send a note to the teacher stating that in the interest of promoting healthful development in your child, you have now banned all writing instruments from your household.
2. Don't teach your children any values
We all know that values -even universal ones- are the last remaining vestiges of a primitive race. Step boldly into the future by declaring all values relative. After all, if the Greeks and the Romans could do it, why can't you?
3. Never give into individualism. Shamelessly copy the latest fads and fashions featured in this bright new world of ours
Things like standing up for what you believe in and a strong work ethic should have really been banned long ago. It isso much easier to go with the flow and just do what the Jones von Heusen nee Albertson-Smith Chaney's are doing.
In fact, experts in a highly secret think tank are already working hard on this exciting new frontier. The next time your pre-teen goes shopping , she'll be able to skip right up to the salesperson and ask sweetly, "I'll have a Miley Cyrus size 3 please."
4.Always put your children's interests before others-even your partner
Children are the next generation, and as such you must always sacrifice your needs before theirs. So what if studies show that high-priced day care programs have little effect on the IQ of children of college-educated parents? Those studies were obviously funded by conspiracy theorists who don't want your child to be the next Mark Zuckerberg.
So if you need to take an extra job just to cover the cost of that Harvard nursery school, then go right ahead and do it. Those new video phones are great for nights out with your hubby, and you can always find a babysitter to watch the kids after school.
Just make sure she's over the age of 25, has a dual degree in child psychology and development, and lives at home with her parents. You can't be too sure nowadays, what with the high crime rate and all.
5. Never Set a Good Example
If you've carefully followed these instructions until now, you should be the proud parents (maybe even grandparents!) of a tribe of really obnoxious kids. Fortunately for you, there are still a few tweaks you can make that will produce children truly unique in their absolute disregard for others.
Never setting a good example is a little-known twist on that popular slogan "always keep them guessing." Make sure your children never know exactly what is important to you especially where it really counts.
Doing this properly requires talent, finesse, and a true gift for mediocrity.
Since you'll need to maintain this facade every day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, we recommend that you send your parenting partner, your child's teacher, and all child-raising staff to a special holiday in Barbados, where they'll be able to pick up the finer details of this process free from distraction.
6. Treat your kids with kid gloves
After all the effort you've invested in raising your little proteges, you should be extra careful not to expose them to any pernicious influences. Never let them out of your sight, even when they're asleep. You may, however, feel free to occasionally close the shower curtain while you use the facilities.
7. Run like mad and don't ever look back
If after all this, by some horrible stroke of luck your children actually turn out as decent, respectable citizens, you should run as far and fast as you can, denying all responsibility for this gruesome outcome.
With all of the careful thought and effort you've invested, you certainly can't be accused of having anything to do with this unfortunate turn of events. Play Schools Develop The School Sitting Habits In Kids Depression Is Another Serious Condition In Children Aside From Birth Defects Why Books Are The Perfect Gifts For Children At Christmas Time Packed Lunches For School Going Children Have A Break With The Children In Whitby! The Solution To Give Your Young Children A Joyful Christmas Long Term Damage to Teenagers Using Hallucinogens - Teenagers Drug Abuse by:Adam Rise Tips And Ideas For Choosing Children's Bedding Gallstones In Children Symptoms Must-have Holiday Books For Children Part Three Type 2 Diabetes - Preventing Diabetes In Children Children's Activites Great For Self Esteem Cfp Certified Financial Planner School For Cfp Exam Prep