Did I Marry The Wrong Man? A Story About Marriage And Divorce
Forgive and forget that is what the good book teaches us to do
. It took every ounce of my being to live another day with my husband, Fred after the first betrayal. Believe me if it wasn't for my faith in God, I would not have made it. I loved him deeply and I wanted him to love me the same way.When someone commits adultery, it takes time for others to build back the trust. Fred didn't understand this concept. He thought that if he apologized it should be good enough. I could say I forgive you, but I could not live it day after day.
It was all I could do to stop myself from nagging him when he stepped out for the evening. "Where are you going? What are you doing? When will you be home? Is there a number I can call?" Oh my God, I sounded like a broken record. I felt I was entitled to feeling as I did; after all, he betrayed me and made me this way.
Every opportunity I had I went through his pocket looking for something out of place. One day, I even followed him to the coffee shop on 7 Mile Road. It was 3 a.m. and there I sat in my White Dodge Aspen, smoking up a storm, and worried that someone would rob me while I waited. If Fred took one look out the window, he could have seen my car. How could he miss it? It was the whitest white ever! But I had to know if he was where he said he would be.
His 1972 Cadillac was parked in the parking lot, and I could see several of his friends through the smoked up glass window; however, I did not see Fred. Then, there was a tap on my window.
"Babe", a man said. "Don't I know you? Yes I do. You are Fred's wife". I shrugged my shoulders to acknowledge him. "Fred isn't inside the coffee shop". I asked some friends if they could tell me where he went but no one seemed to know. I had him! I caught him lying to me again.
I cried out to God that night and begged him for answers. I couldn't see past my own pain and I wanted revenge for the hurt he had caused me. My parents warned me that I was marrying the wrong man, but I was too naive and thought I knew it all. I ran everything through my head from the day he proposed to the day I discovered him cheating on me. I knew I had to do something, but what.
Next to my seat, I kept a screw driver just for those emergency situations. I reached between the console and seat, and then grabbed a hold of it tightly. I decided that I would see to it that he didn't make it home that night. As calmly as I could, I walked into the parking lot, squatted beside his vehicle, and took my revenge out on his tires.
Fred eventually made it home that night, but not without having to explain himself. I listened to him explain away everything and telling me that he was at a cousins house. I took everything he said in and didn't question him further. He didn't even accuse me of slashing his tires. I guess he figured that after that I didn't have a problem.
The thing about cheaters' is that they never learn. It is a bad habit that cannot be broken. Even when they are confronted, they think what is happening is normal. This is more prominent in Arabic Men.
4 long years went by and then it all went downhill for Fred. The affairs, dancers, gambling, lies, and drug dealing all came out on one September night. Even the federal bureau of investigation and state authorities were looking out for guys whom might be dealing in cocaine. Five of the twenty men involved, knew Fred well and even named him as part of the ring. What was his role?
In the light of this turmoil, I learned that my loving husband had bought and sold cocaine since 1976. This was before we even met. Perhaps this is why he was such an ass. His late nights out were spent entertaining topless dancers, gambling, and making money off of the drug sales. The filth he slept with was not few and far between. There wasn't a dancer at the club he had not been with intimately.
That year I wanted to commit suicide, but I also knew deep inside I had to move forward. I grew concerned that Fred would take me down with him in some manner. I kept my mouth shut and allowed the attorneys to do what was necessary to keep him out of prison. By all rights, he should have gone.
Now I had to make a decision whether or not I want out of the marriage. If I could forgive him once, twice; maybe I could find it in my heart to forgive him again. After all, Fred had to turn over a new leaf and be legit for once. So - I thought this could be the start of a new relationship with him if I could bring myself to accept him with his faults.
I still chuckle about how I swore I would not fall in love with him. I did exactly that! I wanted to try anything and everything to make the marriage work, but i guess i turned out that I wasn't in love with the right man for me.
Copyright (c) 2010 Kyle Healy
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