Coping With Marriage After The Affair - 3 Vital Things To Consider
Marriage after an affair is hard and many married couples cannot find a way to bring
back the spark o their marriage, the hurtful emotions and the fact that most sane people have never even thought about how to handle such a terrible situation.You cannot find anyone at fault for feeling like this though as no one would ever plan to deal with an affair. Infidelity does happen in many marriages however and as such,we must know how to deal with such problems when they occur.
Here are three things that might be useful if your partner has cheated on you but you still want to salvage your marriage.
Deal with Anger, Resentment & Jealousy
Anger, resentment and jealousy are all regular feelings after you discover the unfaithfulness of your partner. However these things are ultimately not helpful to being able to forgive and move on or at least not be overwhelmed by cheating. As such you need to find ways to stop these feelings from creating chaos in your life. It is a lot easier to say this than do this but it has to happen or else these negative thoughts can overcome and poison you.
One thought that might help is "I can always control how I ACT even if I cannot control how I FEEL!". Removing these feelings inside you will not be quick but you it is you who controls what you say and what you do even if you think you are going to explode if you do not get angry. If your emotions threaten to overwhelm you when talking to your partner simply tell them that you are too angry to talk and take a walk but always keep in mind that you will talk about it later when you have cooled down. You can go make it happen when both of you are in the right head space.
Do not Fight Back
This ties in with controlling what you do and say but is more focused as it deals with another destructive thought: VENGEANCE.
It is possible to use words to retaliate in the form of nasty quips and comments, full flown verbal abuse or even talking behind their back to friends or family or colleagues. Some use physical attacks which is very damaging but it can also mean physically attacking something they love or cherish too. Revenge can also be passive aggressive retaliation or even worse revenge through sex by committing the same sin as you spouse.
Never let these things happen as the trust you had is almost completely lost from an affair and only need you to wallow in vengeful acts to sever them completely. This will send your chance at saving your marriage down the drain. In the end you must decide... is this the end or will you fight to try to find love and trust again... the choice is yours.
Do not Live on the Past
One other thing that can stop you from being able to find a path to forgiveness and communication in a marriage after an affair is thinking that you can bring back the past make things just like they were. Your marriage cannot be the same again unless you ignore the whole affair and then you will be living a lie which has caused more marriages to to break apart than maintain them.
You must let go of the past instead. The old marriage is gone, your old relationship was not what you really thought it was since they had an affair. Only when you realize the past of your marriage should not be relived can you focus on your new life, your new relationship and your new marriage because basically, you have to start anew!
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