The Parent Trap Of Too Many Toys
Many discussions have been held over coffee, (tea in my case) or online forums about why we as parents buy our kids so many toys
. Especially as one woman put it, it's as if the toys breed like rabbits overnight! When our kid's rooms are overgrowing with toys, and we are running out of space to put all of them, the real question is "Why do we keep buying more toys when we have so many already"? In no particular order I have listed what I have found to be the six top reasons we buy too many toys:
Less Time - Guilt
For working moms, I believe there is a little bit of guilt associated with the fact we are not the one home taking care of our children. Parents will buy toys to alleviate their own feelings of sadness that they aren't able to stay home and care for their own children. It may not be a conscious thought as we are picking out a new item, but nonetheless it is still there lurking back there in our subconscious.
Maybe we bring a surprise toy home that the child's been talking about because we had to work more hours. Or we use the toy to decrease the disappointment of missing a concert or game we may have missed. The list of reasons is endless.
Guilt, we hate that word, however, we all have to deal with it at one time or another. Kids are smart; they can see what pushes our buttons so let's not teach our kids that if we are made to feel guilt they can have what they want.
Social Status, Peer Pressure, or Keeping up with the Jones
Whatever you want to call it, it is one of the biggest reasons we keep buying, not only for our kids but for ourselves as well. Believe it or not teenagers are not the only ones that have to deal with peer pressure. Adults have peer pressure too. Many parents when talking with friends and acquaintances usually bring up the new item their child has just acquired and how happy and overjoyed the child is now. That feeling of not wanting to be the worst mom or dad out there sends parents running to the store so their child will think of them as the best mom and dad in the world.
Or comments from other parents, grandparents, or in-laws like I can't believe little Marty or Tiffany doesn't have _______________ (fill in the blank), will also have some parents running to the store. Because if they think my child is missing out, I better make sure they have it. It is that pressure to fit in with people that drives us. And besides we really do want to be the best parents in the world.
Our children are very well aware of our reactions and conversations with other people. If they catch on that we care too much what other people think or have, they will have a hard time in their teen years of giving in to peer pressure. Watch what you are teaching your children.
It's easier to give in than stand firm
We have all seen it happen. You know what I'm talking about. The kid in the store who started out asking for a toy, the parent says no, and then the game begins. You probably know the game. The "I can outlast you" game. Maybe the kid accepts the first no, so then they see something else they want, so they ask, you say no. Now it's a matter of wills, the child knows you've said "no" before, but you really didn't mean it last time, so why would you mean it this time? Now they move into high gear, and the begging begins. You are beginning to wear down to the point of being too tired of saying no. The kid sees this, and the pleading begins more intensely until the magic happens, you buy the toy! The kid wins again!
After a few of these occurrences you have successfully trained the child on how to get exactly what they want, and how long it will take. Now you're mad at yourself, and rationalize that it wasn't a big deal. Besides, you hate to have all those people staring at you and thinking you don't love your child. If you learn to stand your ground and not give in you are teaching your child a valuable lesson of not giving in. They will remember that far longer than the toy you didn't give in to buying.
It's an educational toy!
We all want to buy the new toys that will stimulate their mind so my child will be the smartest and brightest in school. That's right, that's what the toy manufacturers want all of us to think, and it works. Yes, we are all aware that the experts on child development recommend that children be exposed to a multitude of colors, sounds and textures. Why, because the experts have determined they stimulate your child's neural pathways, improve your child's hand-eye coordination and they develop their auditory responsiveness. We think that as long as they are learning and developing this educational toy must be a great toy.
I think while some of these toys are a good thing, most are gimmicky; toys should do something other than encouraging pressing buttons. Our homes our filled with many objects that are safe for play that teach them many more things than all these educational toys claim. Help your children to use their imagination.
As a Reward or Bribe
I believe children should be rewarded for making right choices and doing well in school. I don't agree that a parent should buy a toy for every little thing they do right. Nor should you buy one to prevent a public meltdown because they are not getting what they want. Just because a child uses good manners in asking for something doesn't always warrant reward. Good manners should be an expectation, not an excuse for a reward.
We don't want our kids to associate buying something new or having food as a reward. This can reinforce behavior that may be detrimental to the child later on in life. Rather than buying something, use rewards that allows you to share time together. Such as going to the park, or playing a game together.
We love you
By giving our kids toys or the newest games does not necessarily show love. If we continue to buy whatever our child wants it can teach them that love is associated with being given things. And when they are not given what they want, than you must not love them. This kind of giving teaches them their self-worth is tied to what they have, not with who they are.
Material things cannot replace the real love of spending time together getting to know them and accepting them. We need to teach our children that we value them for who they are on the inside. Show them that real love is not made up of things.
In Conclusion:
None of us want self-centered, demanding kids that are spoiled. It is up to us parents to teach them we don't always get what we want in life. Too often parents want to be their kid's best friend, and we cannot be effective as parents doing that. We are to be parents first, friends, second. Sometimes kids just need to learn that they don't always get what they want. Most children want and need our time and attention more than anything else in this world, and they would settle for fewer toys if they could have more time with Mom and Dad. Let's spoil our children with love not things.
by: Donna Randol
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