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The Importance of Self-Acknowledgment in Your Doula Business
The Importance of Self-Acknowledgment in Your Doula Business
When I became a birth doula, I was admittedly naive and ill-prepared for the reality of high-intervention hospital births. As a new doula, I blamed myself for not doing this or not knowing that. As a recovering perfectionist (a hard habit to break), the "should have" and "could have" and "why didn't I" statements haunted me after births.
Fortunately, I had the support of several experienced doulas who helped me process those births and offered me some much needed education about birth and about the unfortunate reality of birth in our community. I encourage all doulas to have other doulas to turn to after births, to vent about those tough births, but also to celebrate the most wonderful ones too.
As part of my doula training, self-evaluations are part of the certification process. I found, however, that doing those self-evaluations didn't particularly help me feel better. In fact, I often felt just as or even more frustrated because I'd stew over coming up short and not being "good enough". If you lack the tendency to be hard on yourself, consider yourself lucky!
When I started training as a life and business coach, I learned about the importance of acknowledging and celebrating clients for who they are in every moment. In addition, we students are encouraged to acknowledge and accept ourselves too.
For those of us who are self-employed, it is extremely helpful to surround ourselves with support. Some of us hire coaches. Others seek a partner for their business, or connect with other doulas on a regular basis. Still others rely on husbands or partners for emotional and mental support.
In addition to outside support, it is critical to create a structure for self-acknowledgement. It is vital for you to congratulate yourself on what you did well and look at "failures" as opportunities for growth and learning. All it takes is re-framing a "negative" experience into a "learning" experience.
One day after attending the birth of a challenging client, I journaled about it, talked it out with a trusted colleague, and wrote out my self-evaluation. I still didn't feel good about the outcome, and while driving to pick my kids up from school, I was inspired to create a more empowering self-evaluation. What follows are the questions I scribbled into my notebook as I sped down the freeway:
What did I do well?
What goals did I help my client achieve?
What lessons did I learn from this experience?
What do I want to do more of at the next birth I attend?
What do I want to do less of at the next birth I attend?
What compliments did I receive and from whom?
What topics do I need more information about in order to empower my clients (and myself) in the future?
What do I appreciate about this birth experience?
What structures/systems do I need to create for myself to support my professional growth?
How will I celebrate this birth?
Later in the day, I answered these questions, and I found myself looking at my client as less of a challenge and more like a gift. I realized that I grew a lot as a result of having this client and learned some valuable lessons. I completed this exercise with a more positive perspective, and I felt inspired, empowered, and encouraged.
These questions can also be valuable to ask yourself when you've been through a tough hospital birth and felt rather helpless. Focusing on what was accomplished and how you supported your client despite challenging hospital staff can help you reflect on the birth in a more positive light. These questions don't diminish what you feel went wrong, but it helps you to see how well you did in the face of a negative situation.
I've found that whatever I focus on grows bigger. When I focus on what I did well and acknowledge myself for the good that I did to contribute to my client's experience, I feel more confident in my ability as a doula to be a strong support person, even though I'm learning to provide more powerful support with each new client.
Self-acknowledgement is a powerful tool for professional and personal growth. It helps you build confidence, recognize how much you know intellectually and intuitively, and it allows you to identify the areas that you want to learn more about or systematize to create a more efficient and effective practice. Whether you use a tool like the one I provided or create your own to suit your needs and business, I hope you will take time to focus on what you're doing well and the positive changes you can make to empower you even further. Celebrate every birth you attend and acknowledge yourself for the important work you are doing.
Darl
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