Family Dynamics of Addiction - The way to Begin to Fix the Problem by Initial Identifying the Real Downside

Family Dynamics of Addiction - The way to Begin to Fix the Problem by Initial Identifying the Real Downside

Many non-addicted spouses complain about how their addicted significant other is driving them crazy, making them depressed, or leading them toward suicide or homicide. These comments solely illustrate the destructive nature of the family dynamics of addiction. The addicted and non-addicted spouses get locked into mortal combat over the addiction, even when they have not identified the matter as "addiction".

After all the non-addicted spouse is angry. S/he's selecting up all the slack caused by the addict's abdication of responsibility. S/he is making an attempt to try and do it all--working, chauffeuring kids around, doing the majority of the parenting, cooking, cleaning, and keeping the family from sinking underneath the load of the addiction. The addict, of course, sees it entirely differently. S/he believes that s/he's taking care of the foremost necessary things, which s/he isn't appreciated.

Both are trying at the same relationship events through terribly different "filters". The alcoholic is probably experiencing shame and self-loathing, however their behavior may be demanding and rigid. They often demand "respect" in one breath and then in the next, say that the family would be higher off while not them. The addict feels hurt and angry concerning the non-addicted spouse's makes an attempt to control, parent, manipulate, interfere with the drinking/using. The spouse, on the other hand, feels confused, hurt and angry about the addict's continuing to use despite all the problems caused by it. The non-addicted spouse is angry regarding the addict's apparent refusal to cooperate with solutions to prevent the using or to control it. The spouse is also angry that the addict is emotionally absent from the family.

They are working toward entirely different goals. The addict's goal is to use his or her drugs of selection, but while not the natural negative consequences. S/he needs the spouse to acknowledge his or her efforts to require management of the utilization, even if those efforts are not working. S/he needs the spouse to acknowledge the "intent" to use without negative consequences or loss of control. The non-addicted family member also wants management to be restored. They'll or could not know that the addict cannot re-establish control. They eventually get to the place where they wish the addict to see that their efforts don't seem to be working which it is time to quit using.

The addict is blissfully unaware for the longest time that they are participating in an avid compulsive relationship with the chemical. The spouse, equally unaware, is additionally participating in a passionate compulsive relationship with the addict. Eventually, spouses become in a position to see that "the chemical is the problem". This happens whereas the addict continues to read the problem because the "controlling spouse". Simply because the addict feels compelled to use the drug (whether it's alcohol or another mood/mind altering drug), the spouse feels equally compelled to attempt to repair the problem. The matter, finally having been identified because the addict's chemical use, isn't fixable by the non-addicted spouse.

There are a selection of relationship dynamics and individual behaviors that are predictable and characteristic of addiction. Some of these are secrecy, lying, manipulation, social isolation and withdrawal, distorted feelings, and inappropriate ways in which of coping with those feelings. Relationship issues become a battlefield where the struggle over the chemical is played out. Two folks who were once shut become combatants. They appear to be forever locked into mortal combat with each other.

Problems that were once minor variations become major chasms that divide and conquer. Common conflicts cause polarized positions, where every feels utterly justified in their resolute stance. Each is incapable of acknowledging that there's a lot of than one method to seem at one thing, and each retain a staunch refusal to change. Spouses can get thus locked into "hot topic" conflicts and unresolved relationship problems that they do not even cater to the addiction as an issue. Nonetheless it permeates every argument, every conflict, and each event where feelings are hurt. Alternately, couples might have interaction in an overt struggle over the addiction, and the opposite conflicts are viewed as just another example of how the opposite spouse is wrong.

Each is engaged in coercive efforts to control. The spouse, especially a wife, will keep engaged in that struggle over decades of addiction. A husband usually, stays a shorter length of time in a marriage with an addicted wife. The firmly established family interactions and relationship dynamics distort reality to such a degree that it can take decades to spot the addiction as the main problem.

Many couples ask for outpatient wedding counseling, wanting to repair the connection, thinking that it can solve the problem of the addiction. It doesn't. Relationship problems will be solved once the addiction is arrested. In fact, some relationship issues can be solved by sobriety. Many other problems can need time and a spotlight in order to start to figure through them during recovery. The alcoholic/addict and non-addicted members of the family all need facilitate with establishing their own recovery and with developing new skills to enable them to figure through unresolved relationship problems that persist into sobriety.

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