Before You Accuse Your Child's Teacher
Before you accuse me / Take a look at yourself
. - Before You Accuse Me, Eric Clapton
There are no perfect teachers - but there aren't any perfect parents either. This is something for us parents to keep in mind before we launch our next diatribe against our child's schoolteachers. The knowledge of our imperfection often haunts us enough to make us want to offload our guilt on them. This is why a little insight into our own emotional environment and a greater level of self-acceptance often works wonders in parent teacher relationships.
A close acquaintance once told me how he had confronted his son's English teacher during a local PTA meeting after he scored some less-than-perfect marks in her subject during an interim examination. He accused the teacher of shortchanging his child on his rightful score, and of being incapable of recognizing true talent. The teacher defended herself for a moment, but soon realized that he was there to let fly no matter what and lapsed into silence.
When this parent had spent his ire, the teacher looked at him with mixed disgust and compassion and took the conversation' on a completely different tangent. She said that his son had told her of his frustrated aspirations as a full-time writer. She further said that she had read some of his articles online and thought that he was indeed talented.
However, she then added, it was very evident that he had received no formal training in the language. She could not, she said, rectify his own educational shortcomings but she was doing what she could with his son. She would be grateful if he would not interfere with the process.
At the end of this conversation, my friend had to concede that he was holding the teacher responsible for his own perceived failures. In fact, this psychological transference of personal frustrations is the essence of many complaints that parents have about teachers.
Such parents literally see the teacher as authority figures that should have been stricter, more understanding or more mentoring with them in their student years. It goes without saying that such parents see their children merely as extensions of themselves. They assign their children the role of redeemers of their childhood shortcomings.
The next time you meet your child's teacher, try to remember that you no longer have anything to prove about your childhood. If you were less than attentive in class when you were in school, and if you scored lower marks than you felt you deserved, remember that your child is growing up in an entirely different educational environment.
These are progressive times. Rules and theories of knowledge imparting have changed. Syllabi have changed. Ranking and grading parameters have changed. Parenting guidelines have changed. And most importantly, the teachers have changed.
The teacher you speak to now at the local PTA meeting is no longer that malevolent Mr. Brown who sent you home with a D' in science. This is no longer the easygoing Miss Danvers who let you get away with truancy or incomplete homework. In fact, you are no longer in the picture at all anymore.
This is your child's world, and those are her teachers. Step back from yourself and let your child take center-stage now. Also, remember that there is a very clear difference between constructive inputs about your child's perceived progress and outright criticism of a teacher's methods.
by: Arun Chitnis
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