Single Parent and Getting Past The Fear
Single Parent and Getting Past The Fear
Becoming a single parent is a shock. It doesn't matter whether it is through a broken relationship or as result of the loss of a spouse. It also doesn't matter whether you are the Mom or the Dad, as a single parent getting past the fear is the first step.
Often as parents we don't realize how much of a role our spouse is really playing in our children's lives until they are gone. Even if the pattern has been that one parent has not been around much, or has been supportive there is always that underlying comfort of at least knowing they were there if it came to a real emergency. Once they are out of your life though, no matter what the circumstance there is a sense of emptiness and a fear of being the lone parent.
If it is a divorce situation you as the parent with custody are still feeling the burden of responsibility even if the x-spouse is still in the children's lives. You are the one that has to handle the emergencies, and the phone calls from the school, and the ups and downs that occur in the kids lives.
The first step is to give yourself some credit. You have played a major part in the kid's lives up to this point and that won't change. Yes, you now have to step in and play the duel role but do yourself a favor here, and look at what potential resources you have to help you with this.
To begin with don't let pride or shame stand in the way of letting whatever family you have help. Most families stand in the wings ready to help in any way they can ,but the single parent almost always adopts a, I can do this myself type of attitude. Relying on friends and family members to help you into the single parent transition is a smart move.
It gives the kids some stability and allows you to gather your thoughts and begin to think things through clearly. Once you are able to stabilize your feelings, you will find that you will be back in control once again.
This is not suggesting that you dump the kids on your family. It is a suggestion to let one of their aunts or uncles take them out on the weekend. Let them stay over at their grandparents on Saturday night. Just because you are now a single parent does not mean that you do not have a life of your own.
You will soon find that by becoming a unit with your friends and family will help to squelch the fear of being a single parent.
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