How to break up (the nice way)
How to break up (the nice way)
Ending a relationship is a hard task. Sticking with the decision and moving on is even more difficult. You know that things need to end but don't know where to start. You have tried to work through your issues, to no avail. The decision has been made; you know that it is over, now you need to tell your partner.
When is the best time?
There never is a good time, but if there was, it would be now; the present. If you know you no longer want to continue, don't make excuses and string someone along because of your guilt. Take control and deal with it immediately. Having spoken to a number of people who are in unhappy relationships, a pattern emerges. Not wanting to be the bad guy, they stay put, offering excuses that their partner is going through a rough time or they have a holiday booked together. Enough! If you are about to break someone's heart, don't patronise them by staying around until you can muster up the courage or find the right time. When dumping someone, the only 'right' time is the present. This way you offer them the chance to start getting over it and moving on as soon as.
Breaking the news
What is the best way to dump someone? The worst is by using dishonest statements, such as "it's not you, it's me". No one deserves to be dumped in this manner. The best way is honesty. Or curbed honesty. If you have met someone else, your soon to be ex has the right to know, this information will cause great pain and insecurity, however, they will learn to accept this and know that there is no chance of getting things back on track (hopefully this news, will make them not want to.) By not telling the truth, you could be leaving them to hang on to cruel, false hope. When they do eventually find out that you are with someone else the heartbreak will start all over again. If your reasons for ending the relationship consist of no longer being attracted to your partner, or the likes, you may want to curb your honesty and say that you 'no longer feel connected' rather than 'I don't enjoy having sex with you'.
Moving on
Just because you have ended things. It doesn't mean that this is easy for you. You may find yourself alone, lonely and missing them badly. Guilt can make us act in peculiar ways where we try and convince ourselves to re-asses things. Were things really that bad? Maybe we should try again? Don't dump them one day and offer a blue diamond ring the next! Sticking to your guns is so important at this point. If you are having doubts you need to do two things:
Give it time
Keep this to yourself
Time will help indicate whether the right decision has been made and keeping it to yourself will avoid further pain for your ex.
A good method that will help both partners' cope better is space. Trying to stay friends immediately after a break up is a recipe for disaster. You are so used being together, so being apart can seem unnatural. Unfortunately this is one of the outcomes of a break up. You have lost a partner and best friend and this is something you will both have to adapt to. You don't want to complicate your next relationship with a complicated ex.
Always be prepared
Because you know that this is going to be hard (you have more than likely been through the process at least once in your life). Prepare yourself for the inevitable, use the period of unrest to concentrate on other aspects of your life. Organise nights out with friends, join the yoga group that you've meaning to get round to, think of all the changes you've been meaning to make but not had time for and start making them. Keeping busy, keeps you distracted and if you can make positive changes while doing this, then that is even better!
Being the barer of bad news, is no easy task. If a relationship has run its course, it is not your fault, you just realised it earlier. The best you can do is be honest and act quickly.
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