Breakup Advice - 8 Steps to Mend Your Breakup
Breakup Advice - 8 Steps to Mend Your Breakup
So you had a breakup, did it come unexpected? Or you did you know that it would be inevitable, and will happen sooner or later? Now the first thing to consider is whether your relationship is meant to be. You will know in your heart. If you still have feelings for the other person then you should make every effort to save your relationship. The 8 steps are detailed as follows:
1 Do you know what are the reasons for the breakup? Do you have any ideas? Most times what you think of as reasons may not be the real causes at all. The underlying causes may be hidden under a cloud of denial. Be honest and acknowledge what is actually your agenda. Did you breakup because you did not get what you want? Or is it the other way? Right now you are probably too emotional to think clearly. So the first step is to "rest" and give yourself time to cool down. This will normally take a couple of weeks. Allow your thoughts to unwind, and start learning how to forgive your ex.
2 In spite of your grievances you want your ex back. You are thinking of all kinds of ways to grab your love back. But starting to harass you ex is the worst thing you can do. You need a break; the other party needs a break too. So don't go begging, pleading, threatening or doing similar frantic activities. Take a step back, go out to the beach, or take a little trip, anything to break the vicious circle that you are in. For this period of time hold off all communications. You don't want to be reminded of your ex and your ex doesn't want to be reminded of you either.
3 After the couple of weeks or whatever time frame you are comfortable with, try to send an email. Just ask how are you doing, nothing more. The email is the least personal. Then text massages and MSN or equivalent. Phone calls are the most personal. You should not make phone calls until the situation is favorable. See what is the reaction to the email. If there is reply then proceed to the next steps. If there is no reply wait one more week and retry again. One a week until there is a reply.
4 In the meantime don't even think of going out with somebody else. I know some of the websites recommend this to make you ex jealous. This is insanity! The Internet is full of bad information; heed them not! If you really love this person would it occur to you to be with another person? Definitely not! We are not playing games here, if you play with fire you will get burned. For sure. Don't send out wrong signals, the relationship is shaky enough without jeopardizing it. Your ex might get angry enough and move on. And don't act like you have moved on!
5 After about half a dozen email exchanges then you might want to plan to meet your ex. You will do this by "accident". Just go to the places where your ex goes frequently. Before long you will see your love, walk up and act surprised. Make small talk, no discussions of course. The purpose of this meeting is to gain the "ability" to call or text your ex. Before you leave make sure to tell your ex you will call next week or something to that effect.
6 One week later locate some event that will be taking place. Call or text your ex, saying there is some fun event taking place, do you want to go etc etc. Once you got a date, you are half way home. Just be relaxed at the date, talk about fun things. However this is not the time for discussions, you are not ready yet. You can't have discussions if you are going to say the things that you have said all along, this doesn't help. You must have good plan in place before getting serious. Just focus on having a good time
7 Try to get a few more dates for the coming weeks. Remember don't get into discussing your differences, if the topic comes up just stall and change the subject. During your time together bring out the memories of the good times you had. The spark may come back. Indeed there is a technique, which is called "instant reconnect". This is a powerful technique to bring your ex back into a more positive state. Once you two are back in the "mode" you are ready to ride into the sunset. But not just yet, you still have to prevent all those bad things that happened from happening again.
8 I am sure you have seen couples gotten back together and then breakup again. Even worse there are couples that are divorced and remarry, only to divorce again. So you want to be sure when you two are back together, you are on a good foundation. You have serious tasks ahead, that of identifying the mistakes that you two had made, and how not to make them in the future. Can you find them? Can you see your way out of the mess and have a good vision of the future?
Does these things seem too tough for you? Don't worry; download this free report - Top 10 Relationship Killers. It's the first step towards your recovery.
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