Tips For Blending Your Step Family As One
It's no secret that blending your stepfamily is difficult; however
, there are ways to make it easier on you. Creating a set of rules and guidelines for your new blended family will make a huge difference in the mood and attitude in your home. The bottom line is that no one likes to tell their children no, but sometimes you just do not have a choice.
There is no way you can tell your children yes all the time and you will quickly learn that. You will also quickly learn that in a blended family, you cannot play favorites. A step mom and a step dad have to be as equal as possible to all the kids in the family. Of course, there are unique situations, but for the most part, you should always be on the same page discipline wise.
Should you loosen up?
Sometimes people wonder if during a remarriage you should just loosen up on the rules and the discipline. No, you should not loosen up when it comes to discipline. All children seek discipline and structure in their lives and you are the key to that.
Sometimes it may be difficult as the children get older to implement discipline, but it's still necessary. When you create positive and negative consequences for your child's behavior, you are showing you love them. Just think ahead to the teenage years and the kind of person you want them to be. The poor choices made now can affect the type of person they become.
Step parent's responsibility
Although you may want to be the cool step parent, you are still a parent. You are the mom or dad in this house, whether the children are your biological children or not. You must choose to be a responsible parent that loves and guides each kid in the home. A parent will allow a child to experience natural consequences for something they have done.
Of course, everything should be done within reason as a parent. You may feel as though your kids have been through a lot, but they still need structure in their lives. Most kids are grateful for a parent that will guide them through every circumstance. When you give your kids coping tools, then they have the ability to deal with situations as an adult.
Show and tell your kids that you love them
Sometimes after a divorce, the children, even teenage and adult-aged children tend to feel as though you have changed. Let them know that you are still you. You still have the same values and the same desires to watch your children grow and mature. As each day passes, you can continue to teach them right from wrong.
There is no way you can prepare for what each day may bring you, but you can take one day at a time. Parenting guilt is something that plagues the best of parents, but you can make it through alive!
Create some one-on-one time with each of your children, at least once a week, to check in with them and see how things are going. This isn't a time to share any adult confidences (that only happens between you and your spouse) but it is a special time for you to connect with your child on an individual basis.
Always focus on your marriage first
There is nothing wrong with focusing on your marriage. In fact, the only way this blended family will survive is if you both focus on each other. You can continue to sweep situations under the rug, but they will eventually come out. Each parent should work together to make sure the step family works and functions as a whole.
Make sure you prioritize time with your spouse each week, and a quick time of connection, each day. The marriage and the blended family will be stronger if you devote time to focusing on your spouse and your marriage.
by: Shirley Cress Dudley
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