Parental Decisions Regarding Bed-wetting And Diapers Part 2
Many people might be wondering if there is a particular type or brand of diaper that
I feel is particularly suited to manage bed-wetting with older children,adolescents,teenagers,and adults. As with most things in life there is no one size fits all solution to this problem but there are some products which a large number of people have found successful in managing their bed-wetting. For example a great amount of people find pin-on diapers covered with plastic pants to be particularly effective for heavy incontinence such as bed-wetting. Speaking of pin-on cloth diapers and plastic pants,as far as these types of garments are concerned I'd like to make the following analogy(borrowed from an earlier article of mine) which should help a reluctant youngster or adult come to terms with wearing them for a bed-wetting problem. People have no problems wearing plastic rain wear such as rain coats and rain suits consisting of plastic rain pants to keep them dry and vinyl or rubber waders when they're fishing. It should be no different with wearing plastic pants and diapers to manage a bed-wetting problem. I would mention this to a youngster who is having difficulty accepting the diapers and plastic pants. Furthermore, it should be impressed upon the child or teen that since the products are worn only at night and no one else but the immediate family know the youngster has to wear diapers,this should make he or she feel a little more at ease with wearing protection to bed. Many people have to wear diapers both day and night so the youngster is fortunate from this standpoint.
Another form of protection for heavy incontinence are disposable briefs. There are a number of people who find disposable briefs(this is the term used for disposable tape tab diapers worn by older children,adolescents,teenagers,and adults) good for managing nighttime incontinence. I discuss different types and brands of diapers and plastic pants in the following articles: Types and Brands of Diapers to Use for Bed-Wetting and Companies that Sell Them, Additional Information Regarding Pin-On Diapers for Older Bed-Wetters,and Brands of Plastic Pants for Older Bed-Wetters The main point of my articles is not to advocate for a particular brand or style of protection for this problem but to get both parents and youngsters to become more open minded about trying less traditional and popular methods of managing bed-wetting(which in this case are diapers and plastic pants due to the stigma surrounding these items) and to be less concerned with a particular product's image and more concerned with how effective it is with managing the bed-wetting.
As pointed out in my article Ways Parents Can Encourage Older Children,Adolescents,and Teenagers to Wear Diapers to Bed I think it's important for the parents of an older child to explain why you chose a particular style of diaper to manage their bed-wetting. This includes the advantages the particular product has over other products and how these advantages will help them more effectively manage their bed-wetting. After discussing these advantages the parents need to stress to the youngster that the characteristics of the particular product that they've chosen for the youngster to wear to bed will make them feel more comfortable and secure. Additionally the parents should listen to the child if they have any misgivings about wearing a certain type of diaper and let them know that you understand how they feel. At this point the parents should talk to the child about various means the child can use to help them cope with wearing nighttime diapers and the particular reward system they've put in place to help them adjust to the protection. It would be helpful if the parents get the child's feedback on the reward system.
By discussing the merits of a particular product and how this will help the child feel more comfortable and secure,by listening to any concerns the youngster might have,and by getting their thoughts on the reward system,it makes the child feel that your decision is not an arbitrary one and that you're not trying to belittle or humiliate them. Finally it shows that you respect the child's feelings on the matter which will make it more likely that they won't resist putting the garments on before going to bed. Many parents dread the possibility of this nighttime battle and the previous suggestions will help in this regard. The approach mentioned in this section is an example of the style of parenting called authoritative parenting. The book on adolescence mentioned earlier in this article describes authoritative parenting this way: Authoritative parenting encourage adolescents to be independent but still places limits and controls on their actions. Extensive verbal give-and-take is allowed,and parents are warm and nurturant toward the adolescent. My article Ways Parents Can Encourage Older Children,Adolescents,and Teenagers to Wear Diapers to Bed goes into greater detail about various methods parents can use to help youngsters get used to wearing diapers to bed. Another way to help youngsters cope with wearing nighttime protection is discussed in my article Should Older Children,Adolescents,and Teenagers Be Required to Wear Diapers to Bed? This article talks about the possibility of having the youngster who is having difficulty making the adjustment of wearing diapers at night talk to a mental health professional who is well versed in this area in order to offer the youngster effective coping strategies and techniques.
As far as teenagers are concerned,it can be quite a challenge convincing them of the merits of wearing diapers to bed. The majority of teenagers are very sensitive about the idea of independence and many of them are highly resistant to parental demands in general and wearing protection at night in particular. The need for autonomy increases significantly during these years. The book Reclaiming Youth At Risk- Our Hope for the Future by Larry K. Brendtro, Martin Brokenleg,and Steve Van Bockern has the following to say concerning this: The desire to acquire greater independence accelerates rapidly during early adolescence. One survey asked students to rate the importance of 24 value statements,one of which was to make my own decisions. This value increased more between fifth and ninth grades than any other. Also the fact that teenagers are at a point in their lives where they're starting to get involved in dating and forming relationships with the opposite sex makes it more difficult to come to terms with wearing diapers for bed-wetting.
Forming intimate relationships can be very awkward for teenagers and this can be compounded by the fact that the teen needs to wear diapers to bed but as I talked about earlier it can be more of a strain on a relationship if the person does not wear nighttime protection. Perhaps I shall address this in a future article but in the meantime I would suggest to the teen that they contact organizations such as the previously mentioned Simon Foundation for Continence and the National Association for Continence to see if they might have literature available that discusses how to approach a loved one about incontinence. There are also plenty of online forums and support groups that deal with incontinence. It might be a good idea for the teen to pose a question on one of these groups about how to tell a loved one that you have to wear diapers for bed-wetting. Another thing a teen can do is to form their own online support group. Another thing I have stressed in my articles is that there are plenty of people of all ages and all over the world who have to wear diapers to protect them during the night, so it is highly likely that if you do decide to form an online support group you will have lots of people to talk to about this issue and who will offer you tremendous support. With any problem in life it's good to know that there are people who feel the same way. Joining or starting a bed-wetting support group should help a person a great deal with their misgivings about wearing diapers at night.
With this in mind, a different approach is warranted with teenagers. In some cases parents give teenagers money for good grades. For example,they might give the teen a certain amount for each B earned and a certain amount for each A received. A similar system could be put into place to encourage the teenager to wear diapers to bed. Ideas along these lines as well as various strategies a youngster can use to help them cope with wearing diapers to bed are described in my my article Ways to Encourage Older Children,Adolescents,and Teenagers to Wear Diapers to Bed and Other Topics.
I've since rethought somewhat my previous position on requiring teenagers to wear diapers to bed for bed-wetting. I still feel older children should be required to wear diapers to bed if the attempts to cure the bed-wetting have been unsuccessful and garments such as pull-ups and Goodnites are ineffective at protecting both the youngster and the bedding, but as far as teenagers are concerned it might be prudent from a psychological standpoint to give them more latitude in this area. That being said, I do feel teens' concerns with image will prevent many of them from objectively evaluating the merits of certain forms of protective garments.
When talking to your teenager about his or her bed-wetting and possible ways to manage it it's important to put yourself in their shoes. First off it's an embarrassing situation to talk about,and second,this embarrassment is compounded by the possibility they might feel you're treating them like a baby by requesting them to wear diapers to bed. With a teenager it's important that they feel in control of the situation. This entails involving them in the decision making process.
If the parents feel that a certain type or brand of diaper would be best to manage the bed-wetting given their particular circumstances and the teenager balks, you can say something along these lines: Both your mother and I have been researching the different types and brands of products available to manage bed-wetting and we feel that due to your level of incontinence,it would be best for you to wear pin-on diapers covered by plastic pants(or whatever type or brand of diaper the parents find best to manage the problem) These offer excellent protection which in turn will make you feel more comfortable and secure. We worked out a reward system to encourage you to try these out for a while. Please realize that we have your best interests at heart and we're not doing this to punish or humiliate you. We hope you don't think we're treating you like a baby. Keep in mind that there are plenty of cases where adults persuade other adults to wear diapers such as in the case of married couples who deal with bed-wetting. There are also instances of children purchasing diapers for their parents suffering from incontinence due to medical problems. For instance conditions such as Alzheimer's disease,Parkinson's disease,and other diseases can cause incontinence and the children might have to purchase diapers for their parents to manage the incontinence. We'd like for you to at least try these out for a while. Who knows, you might feel real comfortable wearing them and wouldn't consider going to bed without them on. Eventually you'll come to see that it's not so bad wearing them .In the long run you'll realize the merits of wearing these to bed. As I said we've come up with a reward system designed to encourage you to try these out for 6 months to a year. If after that time you don't want to wear them you can wear other garments. I would stress to the teen that it's best for them to wear the most effective garments to deal with their bed-wetting not the garments that have the best image.
In terms of self-esteem one of the issues I haven't seen addressed is this: a big part of self-esteem is having a sense of control over one's circumstances. In order to have this control we must make decisions about the best course of action to follow given our particular circumstances,and since everybody's circumstances are different people will make different choices. The way we make these decisions is by evaluating all available options and then choose the best one from all the others. In some cases this might not be the most pleasant one but over time we learn to adjust. Adults do this all the time and the ability to do this must be instilled in youngsters at an early age.
How this ties in with bed-wetting and wearing diapers to manage it is in the following manner: by not wearing the most effective protection (or not wearing any protection at all) the youngster is not in control of the situation. Furthermore,by not wearing the appropriate type of garments to bed or not wearing any type of garment at all they're in effect demonstrating that they're not acting in a responsible manner which to me is being childish. I would tell them that to a certain extent it's more babyish not wearing diapers to bed. I would also say to them that part of being mature is choosing the best way to manage a problem which in certain situations might not necessarily be the most pleasant one.
As mentioned earlier most adults are also reluctant to wear diapers but they realize it's in their own best interest to do so and although it might take them considerable time and effort to make this adjustment,in the end the majority are able to get used to wearing them. Many times in life we have to choose the lesser of two evils. In the case of bed-wetting the lesser of two evils is wearing a diaper as opposed to lying all night in soaking wet pajamas and bedding.
The qualities of being responsible and choosing the best course of action given the circumstances are some of the hallmarks of being an adult. In addition it makes an individual feel in control of the situation thereby improving the individual's self-esteem. How is lying all night in wet clothes and bedding or wearing a diaper that leaks being in control of the situation? On the contrary, by sleeping all night in wet clothes and sheets it reminds the person that they're not in control. In my opinion not wearing adequate protection or not wearing any protection at all reinforces the feeling of helplessness that many bed-wetters most likely feel. When discussing this issue the key thing mentioned is the negative psychological effect of requiring a youngster to wear diapers to bed but what doesn't seem to be considered is that a feeling of not being in control of the problem can have detrimental psychological effects also which can last for a long time.
As mentioned in previous articles people have different levels of incontinence. In addition the incontinence might effect them in different ways-some people sleep on their sides and have problems with side leakage,some people wet more than others at night,etc. Due to these differences people require certain types and brands of diapers otherwise they wouldn't manufacture such a wide variety of products. Wearing the most effective type of diapers for bed-wetting whether pin-on diapers and plastic pants,tape-on disposables,or other products makes the user feel more in control of the situation and helps the person feel more self-confident. This in turn will improve the bed-wetter's self-esteem.
I wanted to clarify where I stood on this issue. I was under the impression that some people might think that I'm callous because of my stance on this subject. Nothing could be further from the truth. I look forward to any comments regarding this or any of my other articles. It's good to have constructive dialogues in this area.. Many people have preconceived ideas concerning this matter and I hope my writings might make some individuals reconsider some of their basic preconceptions on this topic. We as a society have overcome many of our prejudices and have matured where many issues are concerned. For example there is less stigma surrounding mental illness and other diseases. Hopefully in time there will be less of a stigma surrounding using diapers to manage bed-wetting with older children,adolescents,teenagers,and adults.
by: Colin Ellison
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