How To Stay Married As A New Parent
Most mums and dads find it tough dealing with the demands and responsibilities that having children bring
. Life seemed so simple before children, and we wondered what we did with all that time! Now that we have kids, there is so much to be done in so little time, that it is little wonder that the relationship between husband and wife frequently takes a back seat.
A perfectly lovely relationship may become strained very quickly. Tactful tweaks and adjustments will be needed by both partners in the relationship to smooth the path, and not only for new parents. Maintaining a happy and successful relationship when kids come into the equation really does require us to constantly work at our relationship with our other half.
Whenever doubts arise, worries come to the surface or even anger bubbles up, it is important to take a step back and look at the overall picture. You've heard the phrase, "can't see the wood for the trees"? This is very true for a mum and dad who have to keep all the balls in the air! From an overall perspective, both now have to take on additional jobs and become multiple role players. This can often be a tricky transition and can lead to each person spending more time focusing on their new "position" than on their opposite partner. To take new parents as an example again, "mum" may become somewhat obsessed with the idea of caring for her newborn and the marriage itself may not have as much of a priority.
Meanwhile, new dads can often feel a bit left out and surplus to requirements! A husband may "assume" that his wife needs overall responsibility and is the best person to look after the kids. The danger here is that he may distance himself from the partnership, assuming that he's doing the right thing.
The most important thing for parents to do is to watch for warning signs and really understand their partner. Look for signs of overload, irritability or a short temper. Don't dismiss any negative vibes such as this, as if left to fester small problems tend to grow large, ugly and hard to crack.
It's so important to create time to communicate, as lack of communication is one of the biggest dangers to your relationship. So switch off that tv in the evening and talk to each other. Ask yourself whether you are being reasonable and ask the other for their honest input. Remember that it is very difficult to maintain the kind of lifestyle you may have enjoyed before the children came along and understand that you now have a different set of priorities in your life.
You both have to work together as a cohesive team to raise your children in the way you want, and you shouldn't underestimate how much effort and active input this takes from both of you. Give yourselves a pat on the back and never forget that you two represent the lead team in the family!
Don't think for a moment that this all has to be about doom and gloom! You need to block out some quality time to be together - just the two of you. Ask yourself when you last spent a weekend away together or did something fun with each other. That romantic dinner should be scheduled as often as everything allows and try your best to come up with small, but meaningful and romantic gifts or surprises for each other.
Mums can face a considerable challenge, especially if they are working as well and it's useful to consult experts to help them manage the juggling act and the myriad of emotions they will face along the journey of motherhood. Online life coaching is a marvellous way to pick up some truly professional coaching for women and a place to turn when life becomes manic!
by: Amanda Alexander
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