How Do I Get Over Him Cheating? Here's Some Insights That Might Help
How Do I Get Over Him Cheating? Here's Some Insights That Might Help
There's no question that there are many emotions and issues to deal with in the aftermath of an affair. This is a betrayal like no other and many women tell me that it's without a doubt the most painful thing that they've ever experienced. The shock, pain, guilt, and hit to your self esteem can be very hard to deal with, process, and overcome.
One of the most common questions or comments that I'm asked are variations of "how can I get over his cheating?," "how do I move past this affair?," or "how do I survive this betrayal?" In truth, there is not one easy answer to this question. Rather, I've found that there are several things that a wife or woman will need to begin to heal. And, with these things, and with time, I promise the pain and tension will begin to diminish. It's likely that the affair will never completely go away, but it can eventually become like any other stressor in a marriage -something that you fix, learn from, and eventually over cometo emerge stronger in the end.
To Really MovePast The Cheating, You Must Feel Heard And Understood: This is usually the first thing that will need to be addressed. It's very common for both parties to be perfectly contentto talk about the affair as little as possible, because doing so brings abouta lot of awkwardness and pain. And often, wives are still reeling from the fact that the marriage (and their place in it) is in jeopardy so they don't want to add fuel to the fire by allowing their husband to see the dark places to which the affair has brought them. But, the problem with this is that if you don't let these feelings out, they will always be simmering under the surface, ready to boil over at any time. The anger is caught without any release, so healing just isn't possible.
It's very important that you tell your husband exactly how this affair has hurt you. You don't need to lash out or punish him at every turn, but he should understand this devastation so that he can take responsibility for it and begin to help you heal.
To Get Over The Cheating, You Must Understand Why It Happened In The First Place And Then Fix What Is Broken: One very common thing that keeps you stuck in the aftermath of an affair is fear that it is going to happen again. Being on the short end of cheating is so painful that it's something you never want to deal with again. So, you're afraid to trust and put your heart on the line again. The problem with this though is that if you only go into a relationship half-hearted, then the result is only going to be a relationship that is reaching half of it's potential and is not completely fulfilling for either of you.
So, in order to be able to restore the trust, you must examine what left your marriage vulnerable and fix it. Obviously, this will require communication and hard work, but couples who are able to do this are the couples who will tell you that their marriage is actually "better than ever" after the affair. Often, couples who do this right use the affair as a wake up call to improve their communication skills, their showing and giving affection, and their valuing intimacy, closeness and full disclosure in their marriage.
You Must Deal With Any Self Esteem Issues To Fully Move Past Infidelity: It's so common for women to secretly fear that their husbands really don't find them desirable any more and that they are just going through the motions for the sake of the marriage. This is not always true. Countless husband know full well that their other woman had nothing on their wives, but, for whatever reason, the other woman was able to mend something lacking in the husband for a fleeting moment in time.
However, wives have a hard time believing this. They will turn on themselves and allow this to make them feel ugly, old, and no longer sexy. This is a huge problem because these feelings will cause you to walk around like the walking wounded which makes this whole thing a self fulfilling prophecy. What's sexy and attractive is confidence and self assurance and you must do whatever it takes to get this back. Be selfish for as long as you need to. Pinpoint where you could use a boost and make it happen. For me, I dropped some pounds by using exercise to deal with the stress, and brought more fitted clothing because now, finally, I could. And, I fixed my crooked teeth something that had always bothered me. The point is, if you don't find yourself beautiful and desirable, you will never believe that your husband does, either.
Creating Something New And Better As A Way To Move On After The Affair: Here's the whole thing in a nutshell. Couples who are able to really and truly get over an affair are also able to create an entirely new, different, and better marriage. Once you are at a place where you are happy, appreciated, understood, receiving affection, and feeling fulfilled, then there is really no reason to dwell in the past, it's reminders, or it's pain, because you will genuinely want to live in the present where things have suddenly turned around and are much better.
There was a time when I thought I would never get over my husband's affair, but this is in the past. Although I never would've believed this two years ago, my marriage is stronger than ever after my husband's affair. It took a lot of work, and I had to play the game to win, but it was worth it. Because of all the work I did on myself, my self esteem is at an all time high. I know longer worry my husband will cheat again. You can reada very personal story on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com/
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